Having a grump!

An old friend of mine whom I've known since university days remarried last year. I had some reservations about the marriage, as I felt she was marrying for security and convenience rather than for love. (She is very much dependant on having a partner and finds living alone very difficult.) We talked a bit about it, fairly carefully, and agreed to differ. It's her life, after all.

Unfortunately I find her husband very hard work, and while I'm sure he is a decent enough sort, we have very different values. I now feel that she is changing, becoming more cynical and moving more towards his way of thinking. And I find I am getting increasingly irritated with her.

And I don't want to be irritated with her.

Grump over, thanks

Re: Having a grump!

It's a fact that people change Ania, and particularly when in a new relationship... she is probably just trying to mould herself to her new man as it's where her future lies. You may just have to get used to it...

Re: Having a grump!

So many second marriages fail Ania, for whatever reason. Often because both partners are older and more set in their ways.
As long as they are happy and he is good to her, like Barry said, you may just have to get used to it.
As a good friend, you'll be there for her if the marriage fails, which I'm sure you don't want to see happen.

Re: Having a grump!

Ania I have the same problem with a family member , this is made even worse by the fact that I really liked her previous husband and she now has a serious illness .The rest of my family feel the same but the new relationship was her decision so we all smile sweetly, groan inwardly and wait to pick up the pieces should it be necessary.

Re: Having a grump!

Yes, Meg, I have to "smile sweetly and groan inwardly" for now, and of course I hope the marriage is a success. It's not so much the marriage per se that upsets me, more that as she changes I am losing the friend I have known for 36 years Being single, my friends are important to me, and I guess because I am not used to compromising my principles I find it harder to accept that in others.

Re: Having a grump!

Know how you feel, my daughter is married to a man I cant stand, and dont intend to try either.Pig headed is the word that comes to mind. If I continue with this I shall be banned for bad language.

Re: Having a grump!

We have the same problem, we don't like some family member getting engaged to a gold digger, but as Barry said get over it, it is their life the are ruining.

Re: Having a grump!

Funny that you all (except Plantman) comment on the marriage as if it were the problem. It may be the cause, but my problem is losing my friend, not just that I don't like her husband. The latter is no business of mine - as I said in the original post, it's her life. But the former is sad.
Who was it who posted about misinterpreted posts...

Re: Having a grump!

It would seem on the face of it, that, the only place a long term close friendship can be sustained is within a marriage itself. Most folks have their own "life" plans which usually involve travelling solo through a period of their life, even ones own offspring can become detatched, but usually a marriage transcends (or suppresses) the need to "go it alone", I am not suggesting that some folks, don't have platonic long term close friendships, but that it is more the excecption than the rule. Imo.

Re: Having a grump!

Spitfire, I cannot agree with you on that. It would suggest that those of us who are single cannot sustain a long-term close friendship, which clearly is not true. My closest friend is married but we still maintain a strong friendship.
And apart from that, I'm not sure what your point is about going it alone wrt friendships?