12-03-2012, 08:55 AM
1
One Liners
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . "Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.>
|
|
