All Sports jokes thread.

The place for jokes on all sports but I will start off with a true story from the world of football.

A van driver who was a big City fan used to amuse himself by running over every United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, either in that awful red kit or the ubiquitous green and yellow colours. He would swerve to hit them, there would be a loud 'thud' and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No worries Father! I'll give you a lift! hop in"'

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.

Suddenly the driver saw a United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the fan.

However, even though he was certain he missed the United fan, he still heard a loud 'thud'. Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that United fan", "That's okay" replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

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That was funny Hammer.

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Oh dear Hammer! Fergie, Rooney, et al are all heading your way, time to head south!

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Good one Hammer..

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The insects were having their annual cricket match. The captain was a Grasshopper, who turned to the Cricket and said, "Are you a bowler?"
"Of course," said the Cricket. "Who ever heard of a cricket bat?"

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- groan -

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A class had to write an essay on a cricket match.
One little lad sat staring out of the window for a long time without writing a jot.

Suddenly he looked at the clock and scribbled furiously on his paper.
At the end of class the teacher had a look at what he had come up with.

"Rain".

"No play today" .

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Coventry City they are a joke.

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Love the first one hammer. I wonder was that the same priest I saw a Leopardstown racecourse last year. Just before the first race I saw him bless the NO.6 racehorse as he was being mounted, the horse went on to win at 10/1. I kept my eye on the priest but he didn't go near any other horses till the last race, then he went over to the NO.3 horse and blessed him. I made a dash to the nearest bookie and put 50 quid on the nose. The horse fell at the first fence. I managed to collar the priest at the bar and asked him what happened to NO.3. "You don't know a lot about the sacraments my son, I wasn't blessing NO.3, I was giving him the last rites".

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Good one Jimmy,
I was at primary school one day and this new teacher was going round the class asking all the kids what their Father's did for a living.
All the smart typical answers came out, Fireman, Docker, Salesman, Chippy, Market Trader and so on. For a change I kept schtum and said not a dicky bird which I know is hard to believe but honour bright, it is true.

Anyway, the teacher was not to be put off by my silence and in front of all the kids he said "what about your Father George?"

"My dad is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of the other men and women. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him" I said.

Poor old soul, the teacher quickly set the other children some work and took me to one side and asked if that was really true. "No" said I "he plays Football for Charlton Athletic, but I was just too embarrassed to say".