Estranged family and Christmas

I have a dear friend whose estranged from her daughter for the first time this Christmas and an old friend who is estranged from his daughter (his choice). They both express different emotions.

Do you have estranged family and how do you handle Christmas and other holidays?

Is it difficult or different than the past?
I would love to hear from you.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

Our son "divorced" us, including all of the family and his own friends nearly 5 years ago. None of us know exactly where he is, but we do have contact details for his France's mother, although we never get any feedback from my son when we ask her about him.

Tough at times. But at least (afaik) he is healthy and in work. Maybe in time....

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

Hi

Yep. my daughter.

Very sad but such is life.

The last time she got into serious trouble she rang Dad not Mum.

I did not get a thank you, but such is life.

I am content that she knows she can always ring Dad.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

My two eldest sons divorced me also, I tried to make amends on fb, but they were having none of it, totally understandable why they feel that way.

As a Christian,I believe I tried to make amends in my own strength, instead of leaving them to God, so I now rest in God and wait patiently for Him to reunite us, if he doesn’t,that is fine by me, he may even change their hearts towards me, who knows, it used to upset me terribly as we have been estranged for many yrs,I think over 14 yrs...but to be honest I don’t think about them much,plus I have never looked them up on fb,since returning to that site.

Don’t get me wrong,I would welcome them with open arms if they showed up, I also have 4 grandchildren,never seen them.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

Thank you for sharing. I’ve been trying to read up on this topic so I can support my good friend. It’s amazing both on opposite ends.

There’s always hope.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

As long as everyone is alive, there is hope.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

What is tricky is whether to write him out of our wills just yet.

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was delete my mum's phone number after she died.

Just seems to mark a permanent acceptance of things.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

My heart goes out to you Pauline. Unless you have walked this path, there is no way you can know the heartache, the grief, and cruelest of all, the shame, of having your children cut you out of their life.

You are left with no choice but to see yourself with loving compassion, change what needs changing and heal yourself. You are right, you cannot wait around for your children to come back to you. You cannot wait for them to forgive you — that may never happen.

Also, so glad you moved forward because you cannot continue to beat yourself up.

I know that it is possible for adult children to walk away from a relationship with their parents for many reasons that have nothing to do with whether you were a good parent or not.

Good parents make big mistakes sometimes. Being human, it is not an option to never make a mistake.

Whatever happened, you were always trying to do your best. Your fears, wounds and beliefs, your childhood, your relationships all affected you and your children.

There is no escaping that. But if you were a sincere parent, one who always wanted only the best for your children, you have to accept that even if you made some big mistakes, you are still worthy of love.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

My dad passed on 5 years ago. I still have his number and last text message that he sent me. I don’t have the heart to delete it.

My parents were far from perfect, they did their best and it was good enough but the younger generations feel entitled to more and I’m seeing more and more kids cut off their parents than the other way around.

Tough decision to make.

Re: Estranged family and Christmas

What a heartfelt post, thank you,Minx.to be honest I don’t feel any shame over it,I came from a very disjunctional family,no one is to blame...luckily the pattern broke.after becoming a born again,my youngest son was brought up with love not abuse..as I was so unfortunate to be brought up in abuse,I thought it was normal,so my 2 sons were brought up in abuse.........I would never cut them out of my will, as my youngest has helped me tremendously,he gets half, they will get a quarter each, but I am rethinking that at the moment as it may show favouritism I love my children equally , but oh yes I have definitely moved on,God has healed/ removed my aching/ broken heart....my faith keeps me going.