to cheer you up!

Well people, it's all doom and gloom at the minute, the weather isn't too kind and there's all this about the Corona virus, I even saw something the other day saying it was the end of the world, oh well, so be it. anyway I thought that being new here I'd like to share a funny story or two from my past to hopefully cheer you up, I know I had a laugh when they happened, so hopefully you'll enjoy reading about them.
For many many years now I've been frequenting a country park a short drive from home.My parents used to take me there as a child and I continue to visit it to this day, it has something for everyone, high above the surrounding towns it has brilliant views, on a clear day you can see Blackpool Tower in one direction, and the Welsh Hills in the other.
Even on a night it is quite nice, looking up at the stars, or down at the lights in the towns and villages, Bonfire night is pretty good, it's like looking down on a massive free fireworks display.
As I said, there's something for everyone, dog walkers, joggers, a few people on bikes, kids playing ball, or flying kites, there's even a steep hill to sledge down if it snows, it's great, and at night you get the young couples parking up and either sitting in their cars chatting, or wandering off into the woods, it's all fun, or it was until a few years ago!
I'd spent a lot of time up there courting with several girlfriends over the years, walked my dogs and even been there with my own kids and grandkids, they all loved it. However a few years ago it became plagued with doggers, this led to a couple of incidents which my wife and I found highly amusing, although certain other parties found them less so
At one point I got involved with training a police dog, we used to take it up there at various times depending on what we were up to, in the socialising phase we'd go up in daylight and meet others, letting the dog get used to people, later on we'd go up as it began to go dark, less people about and we could practice tracking. basically my wife would walk off and lay a scent trail whilst I remained in the van with the dog, when she was well hidden we'd go out and hopefully find the scent and the dog would track to her location.
One night we'd arrived a little bit early and called at the local chippy for some food, we sat in the van and ate it as we waited for the last few people to head off home. It was almost time to set off when a car appeared and parked alongside us, it was so close I couldn't open my door, the driver opened his window and tapped on mine, I wound down the window and the guy came straight out and asked what time my wife and I were 'getting it on' as he'd like to watch!
My wife was to say the least a little shocked when he explained that it was a dogging site after dark and there'd be several more people arriving shortly, hoping to watch the action.
To my wife's total shock I laughed and said we'd be more than happy to put on a show for them, we chatted for a few minutes until a couple more cars arrived, he was still leaning out of his window almost into our car and I discretly reached behind me and unlocked the cage, the trainee police dog leapt forward and was trying to eat him through the window.
I burst out laughing and asked him if this wasn't what he had in mind, I pointed out that it was a police dog in training and then sat back to watch the fun, he quickly wound his window up and reversed his car into a space opposite, I could see him texting on his phone and a few minutes later I could tell people in the other cars were receiving text messages, suddenly they all started up their engines and made a mad dash for the exit! We sat there laughing hysterically as they all drove away.

It calmed down after that, thanks to a bit of assistance from the local boys in blue, however a few years later it started up again, it was getting silly, these people were approaching people in broad daylight, there's kids about for god's sake.
Well one night we'd been out for a drink after work and in order to relax decided to take a wander through the country park. we locked the car and wandered down to one of the large ponds and sat on a bench, enjoying the slight breeze and watching the sun go down, when we returned to the car we noticed the car park had several cars in it, all occupied by single blokes of middle age, they eyed my wife as we walked across the car park, we got in the car and one actually moved his car to park alongside us, it was time for some fun.
We chatted for a few minutes, then got back out of the car, I kissed my wife and hand in hand we wandered back down one of the paths, it was pretty dark under the trees but we knew tha paths very well. We stopped and could hear footsteps behind us,someone was following us!
We giggled and slowly wandered on making sure we didn't lose our little follower, a little further along the path became very narrow with deep mud on either side, we stepped back into the trees and hid, our watcher, intent on finding us blundered about in the dark for a few minutes, then SQUELCH, followed by loads of cursing, he'd missed the path and fallen into the mud.
We headed quietly back to our car giggling to ourselves, this bloke was probably married and had probably told his wife he was going for a quiet pint, I'd love to hear his explanation for coming home covered in thick smelly mud. lol

Re: to cheer you up!

The incident with the dead body! Now I can imagine some of you reading this and thinking, 'how the hell is a dead body supposed to cheer me up', well read on, it's worth it.
I was taking a break from my usual job and ended up doing some security work, one Friday night into Saturday morning I was on duty at a large site just out of town along with a couple of my colleagues.
It must have been about half two in the morning and a small white van parked up in the gateway, two of us peered out to see what was going on and we saw this bloke in the drivers seat, he was holding something that appeared to be wrapped in a tartan blanket, we coudln't see what it was, but whatever it was he was really mauling with it.
Suddenly a car approached from the other direction, lighting up the vans interior. The man appeared to push the 'thing' into the back of the van and as he did so a mane of long blonde hair fell out of the blanket, "christ, he's got a body in there" I said to my colleague, as the man started the engine and sped away, turning into a dark side road a few hundred yards up the road.
A few minutes later as we looked over the fence a police car drove towards us, I waved him down and went out to speak to him, telling him what we'd seen, He seemed as shocked as we were, I mean, how often do you find a bloke driving around with a body in his van, and what was he doing with it?
We both headed up the little road, the van was parked at the top, we approached carefully, the cop on one side and me on the other, he shone his torch into the van and then we saw it, the 'body' was a very attractive younger woman, who at this point was sat stark naked straddling the driver who had his trousers down, I'll leave it to your imagination as to what they were doing.
It turned out that he was married, just not to her, they'd been out and decided to stop for a bit of fun on the way home, in an attempt to excite him further as he'd driven along she'd removed what little she was wearing and wrapped herself in the tartan blanket.
They'd pulled up in our gateway thinking it was quiet, however when the other car arrived he'd panicked and almost thrown her into the back of the van, then, not realising we'd seen him had driven into the little side road which was much quieter.
I don't know which was funnier, the relief on the cops face at not having to deal with a dead body, or the look of sheer panic on the blokes face after being caught in the act with the young lady, personally I found it incredibly hard not to laugh as the copper told him off for doing what he was doing in a public place, and all the while the errant driver was sat in his van with his trousers around his ankles and a naked blonde on his knee.

Re: to cheer you up!

Having been in a film I was asked to do some work for a large American advertising company, I'd agreed a good fee just for doing the work, plus a large bonus if they actually used it, sometimes they don't and you don't want to lose out so it's best to agree something beforehand.
Now, as usual with filming, it's very rarely done 'in season' quite often Christmas stuff id filmed in the heat of July, likewise summer stuff is often filmed in winter.
We arrived on location, a large park, and the crew set up the shoot, the brief called for us to walk along this wooded path that opened out into a field overlooking a village and pretend to be admiring the view, naturally, as it was 'summer' we'd be dressed appropriately.
The day had dawned with bright sunshine, but typical of a March morning, it was bitterly cold, so the crew were set up and we emerged from the truck, me in a short sleeved T-shirt and the wife in a summer dress, they could only film from the waist up as due to the freezing cold I was wearing 2 pairs of jeans and a pair of wellingtons and the wife was wearing a pair of jodhpurs and long riding boots, it was so cold we had to keep going back in to warm up, finally we were ready, going for the final take, the money shot, as it's known.
There were a few people wandering about, walkers and such, they'd been asked to keep off the track whilst we did the shoot, so we walked along the path and emerged onto the hill and stood admiring the view in the 'summer sun'.
The director called cut and filming stopped, we'd done it, as we walked back to the truck we passed our little audience, "who are they?" I heard a voice ask. Another voice replied, much to my amusement, "come on, you must know that bloke, he's been in loads of stuff". the other voice replied, "well I don't know him", to which the second voice replied, "yeah you do, he was in that film with Shaun Connery," to which the first bloke replied, "yes of course, Nicholas Cage".
I had to laugh, I look nothing like him.
Once when I'd been on TV I was walking through town with my wife when we were accosted by a strange man, he almost dragged his wife over to us and began to shake my hand frantically, "here's my mate, how you doing Phil, let me introduce my wife", I stood there patiently making small talk, my wife looking totally bewildered as this guy proudly told his wife how he'd known me for years and we were best buddies, "fancy that, my best mate an actor" he told her, I signed an autograph for him and he went away quite happily, "who the hell was that? " my wife asked, so I told her, I didn't really know him, he was just some bloke that I said HI, to every often in the papershop, we were just two people who passed each other as we got our papers and cigarettes, still it just goes to show, everybody likes to now a celebrity, even if it is only someone from a cult film with a limited audience. lol

Re: to cheer you up!

Wow! I ran out of interest far sooner than maybe I should have. Maybe i'll read chapter two tomorrow.
Welcome to OFF Sparky. Join in and enjoy yourself.