Caring for Mother can be so trying........

I just want somewhere to vent really!

As some of you know, I care for my Mother who lives with us. She is mentally sound (when it suits). To cut a long story short, she's still recovering from a second broken hip since July this year. The problem I'm having is that she seems to be addicted to tablets (of any form), and will hunt around the house when we pop out to do a bit of shopping etc. and raid the cupboards! Especially after I've explicitly told her not to go walkabout when we're out (which she assures me she won't).

Last night, for instance, found a stash of dihydrocodeine hidden in a tissue pack (which tells me her brain is ok to have hidden it so well). We have taken complete control of her drugs since she used to take them whenever she felt like it, and then suffer the consequences later (or I had to by cleaning up after her).

When I confronted her this morning, she tried to tell me that she had some kept some away, but I know this isn't true, because I went through her room with a fine toothcomb.

I'm feeling at the end of my tether at the deceit and won't admit to having been found out.

Having an early drink of wine to calm my nerves.

Sorry for the rant - just had to write it all down.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

I know this isnt helpful to you at the minute butI think you should remember how your Mother looked after you when you were young, and if this doesnt work then maybe she would be better in daycare or a home. All medication should be locked away under the circumstances and should she be left at home on her own!.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

No way would she even contemplate daycare and I wouldn't even think of putting her in a home (unless absolutely necessary).

The only time she's on her own, is when I pop out to the Drs. or nip down to the shops.......an hour at most. I guess I'll have to make sure someone can sit in with her in future.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

Could you purchase a small lock box to keep all the meds in?

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

I'm sorry to read what you are going through, Berxer ..... I personally would say it can be more frustrating looking after an aged parent or relative than raising a child. I have been there and can understand how you feel.

Caring for a parent requires patience, very often the mother (or father) resents the fact that their neediness is now exposed and they have no choice in accepting their son or daughter's help. It's like a role reversal. My own daughter has changed as I've grown older. It I am ill anytime she will make such a fuss of me that I sometimes feel smothered and tell her to stop. I know she means well, but I too have the feeling of role reversal slowly creeping up.

Also when the role reversal steps in permanently, it can be very frustrating for the carer ....... older people can get very bitter at relying on others at times and say things they don't really mean and that can be hurtful for the carer.

It does help to talk about it to others Berxer, just to know you are not alone and others have been there or are going through the same as you. Can you get someone to sit with you Mum occasionally to give you a break? For her safety too, lock away all her tablets and you keep the key and be in control of them if she can't be trusted herself.

Take care and a *hug* to you ....... in your position we all get down at times.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

Thanks for all responses Although after I'd posted, I wondered why I did (does that make sense ). I guess I just needed to get it out of my system.

Am getting a lock box though......you can't be too careful.

((((((hugs)))))) to all. I'm feeling ok now

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

I'm glad you're feeling better now Berxer, you did the right thing sitting down, taking a glass of wine and letting it all out. The important thing is not to let the little things build up inside you, they magnify and seem at lot worse than they really are, keep smiling and good luck to you.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

Glad you're feeling better,Berxer ..... Jem made a good point saying try not to let things build up inside you ..... Release the valve when that happens, it does help.

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

I am guilty of being like a fuse ready to blow......not the most patient of people (sadly).

Thank you again

Re: Caring for Mother can be so trying........

Good advice from Jem and Mags ... letting it out is like opening a spillway at the dam.... eases the pressure so it won't break .... (((hugs))) We're here to listen, it does help ....