Eye contact

How do we decide what is too much or too little eye contact?

When speaking in the close company of someone whom I know well I find I'm far more attentive by looking into their eyes. It helps me to take in what they are speaking about more readily, enabling me to remember the conversation.

With people who are strangers to me I find it can depend on their mannerisms and if they are actually interested in what I'm saying which in turn makes me want to listen to them intently, or otherwise avert my eyes from theirs.

What is considered too much eye contact that you are judged to be unnecessarily staring at a person?

Also, when you walk past somebody in the street, do you quickly glance at them, keep your head down or gaze straight ahead with no eye contact whatsoever? Is it based on a long-term childhood-related shyness which still appears sometimes?

Perhaps it shows dishonesty if somebody doesn't use eye contact?

In a crowded pub for instance, I've seen a few altercations with people who question why somebody is looking at them.

I sometimes have trouble with eye contact if they other person has unusually-coloured eyes or piercing ones. I find it easier speaking to people who wear glasses too.

Thoughts? Experiences?

Re: Eye contact

I think it's all part of 'body language'. There have been so many misconceptions on the internet, of what someone means, that you always have to be careful when there is no body language involved.

Re: Eye contact

Yes I think that too, Ciderman. Or even the kind of 'vibes' we give out, including our walking speed, stance or facial expression.

It varies from person to person, everyone walking towards you has a different demeanor. Some look, some smile, some don't. Others may step to one side or even cross the road!

I guess if some bald meathead comes hurtling towards you head forward with hands in his pockets then you know he's not particularly the friendly sort

Re: Eye contact

In some countries people stare at each other (strangers) far more than we do. I noticed this in Germany in particular. They are just more nosey and don't see it as rude at all. But we are taught it's rude to stare so I guess that's why too much eye contact may be considered aggressive. I think in Islam people are meant to avoid looking at the opposite sex. So that is a whole different complication. I think if you are talking to someone you know then it's impolite to not look in their eyes on and off. But that comes naturally to the average person. Those with aspergers often avoid direct eye contact or make constant eye contact.

Re: Eye contact

Depends... I don't have difficulty with eye contact but I think being female I'm aware of being over familiar....I smile at anyone and everyone though....unless I feel threatened or intimidated.

Re: Eye contact

Yes that's correct. A person can insult another quite badly but if they put a smiley they think it's ok.

They often get away with it too!!

Re: Eye contact

I agree with you there, Summer.

Re: Eye contact

Who invented body language anyway?

Who decided that if I stand with my arms crossed I am being defensive - and who gives them right to make that decision?

Re: Eye contact

I find it difficult to talk to people who don't make eye contact, even just for a second. Sometimes you get 'celebs' interviewed on TV who will not look at the interviewer and I find it really difficult to watch. I'm not saying they should be staring into eachothers eyes like new lovers but there should be some sort of contact.

Re: Eye contact

Some people,don't have the confidence,to look into a persons eye,sometimes,I was one such person,when I was well into my 40s.