Kids/Parents

A friend of my wife has a 43 year old daughter who had a baby 18 months ago and he is now like his mother, Obese, he is also very unruley and is never chastised, her daughter believes that a child should have freedom to express themselves.

He has tantrums and holds his breath for as long as he can, sometimes going blue in the face before he takes a breath. When his grandmother/grandfather try to chastise him they are told off by their daughter.When I tried to advise the daughter that she was making a rod for her back even though I knew it was none of my business she went berserk, ranting and raving as if the world was ending.

After half listening to a radio program, I must admit I missed a lot of it, about children disrupting people on aircrafts, screaming and running about and the parents doing nothing about it and then ranting and screaming themselves at people who say something, then visiting Matalan where a mother had 4 kids in tow who were running about playing with toys belonging to the store and screaming and shouting, it made me wonder if my parents were right, this is my point, should children be seen and not heard or should parents who do not chastise their unruley kids be made to take their kids away from where they are, OK they would need to carry parachutes on aircraft, or should they be left alone and allowed to upset others around them?

Re: Kids/Parents

Everybody has their own ideas on raising children AB but here's mine for what it's worth.
There are no set rules concerning how we should or should not bring up our Children and I don't think we need any, God knows we have enough rules already and still the world's in a mess. Common sense is needed at all times with kids, it's in the nature of all Children to get their own way as much as possible and the Mother is there to see that they don't. If the Child is spoilt at an early age it's very hard to correct the wrong, but the sooner you do the better for the Child and you, if you don't bother or think the Child will grow out of it, you are sadly mistaken. I think a lot of modern Mothers rely on books published about the modern way to bring up Children, which to me are a load of nonsense. There is only one way to raise Children and it comes naturally to most Women, from the very start teach them, RIGHT FROM WRONG and fill in the rest as they get older. I don't know of anyone who was raised from a book, do you?
As regards interfering from the outside AB, I think it's the worst thing you can do, all the Mother's anger will then be directed at you...the outsider.

Re: Kids/Parents

Take them to dog training classes....................

Re: Kids/Parents

AB matey, with kids like that my hands would 'itch'. Any kid who misbehaves around me, whether the parents agree or not is in danger of getting a 'thick ear'. I will not tolerate bad behaviour around me!!! I had very strict parents and if I misbehaved I would get a 'hiding' from one or other of them.

Re: Kids/Parents

Rule by example--Far too many parents of young children are poor role models with their own behaviour. We have come a long way from the harsh victorian attitude only to have gone completely the opposite way. Teaching a reasonable amount of respect and self discipline would not go amiss but it seems to have gone right out of the window.

Re: Kids/Parents

As Ruben says , teach by example
Alan is not far wrong either, I think there are similarities between training puppies and children.

If the child in question is a toddler and can't be reasoned with I agree with the daughter here . Very small children have yet to learn self control or to express themselves and they can get very frustrated. Chastising a toddler for behaving this way really doesn't help. I find in these circumstances it works well if the behaviour is initially ignored rather than given attention, then when the child is calm spoken to calmly and given something to take his attention this behaviour soon stops.

I believe many children nowadays are given too little time by their parents so don't get the opportunity to learn what is expected of them. Too much TV, convenience foods, not enough conversation.

I have looked after many children belonging to other people and also brought up my son alone (my husband became ill when our son was 3 weeks old, he never recovered and I nursed him until he died when my son was 6 years old ).

I had very few problems with my son, as soon as he had a level of understanding things were explained to him . If he was behaving badly he was calmly told I didn't like the behaviour and why then sent to his room until he was ready to be a good boy. This meant he sometimes missed out on things so he quickly learnt that behaving badly was pointless. We discussed anything and everything including the value of hard work and respecting other people and their property .

I am very proud of my son in spite of all we went through when he was small he worked hard and got to University then started his own business. He is also what I would consider to be an excellent parent to his three small children, calm, firm and with endless patience

Re: Kids/Parents

If only.....

Re: Kids/Parents

As Meg says . . . teach by example . . . kids are great copycats and if you set a good example they will be fine . . . so many times I've seen parents behaving badly in public like swearing and being aggressive when driving etc, and children pick up on this type of behaviour and think it's the normal thing to do.

Re: Kids/Parents

Joe, I never hit my kids, I used to punish them other ways, like removing a favourite play thing or banning them from something but, only after I had left it 24 hours before dishing it out. Many times they said to my wife,' Why does'nt Dad hit us and get it over with '.

The waiting for a decision as to what punishment was to be admonished is the biggest punishment of all.

Re: Kids/Parents

AB matey, we live in different times. Now its regarded as illegal to 'hit' kids, irrespective of whether they are behaving badly. My parents and I'm sure your parents did too, used corporal punishment, not often, but nonetheless it was an option. Likewise the neighbours, teachers and even Police Officers had the authority to use it too. In fact, if I came home and said I'd been caned or had my ear clipped I would just as likely get another 'hiding' from my parents too!!!.

I believe it was the worst thing successive governments ever did when they have banned corporal punishment. We are now living through the results of that. F'r instance on the news only this morning, 7 year olds were involved in the riots in Tottenham and were photographed looting shops. A good 'hiding' from their parents or someone in authority would make sure they thought twice before doing it again.