Is there a time to let things go?

I was ill recently and without me knowing my son contacted my sister, who I haven't seen or spoken to in eleven years.
We used to get on so well together previously because we both had the same sense of humour and used to laugh together so much.
An old girlfriend I haven't seen or spoken to for over three years also rang me to have a chat while I was still in hospital.
My sister hasn't gone as far as speaking to me yet and the conversation with the old girlfriend was pleasant with the occasional giggle and laugh. There is no way I would want to go any further than just being friendly with her but it was nice to chat again.

While I've been ill I've had some long conversations with my son and his partner and my daughter and ex wife plus some of the nurses spent time chatting to me during the night shifts when it was quiet on the ward.

I have to admit my illness has caused me the think how short life can be and has left me wondering whether its time to let go of old bad feelings and to move on.

I'm never nasty to people but tend to ignore them and just move on and leave them behind if they upset me.
However as much as I feel that is their loss I also feel it is just as much my loss too, as I have lost people I counted as "friends" and enjoyed talking to, like when I left a forum a long while back.

Do you think this is the post illness euphoria about still being alive and I'm just feeling that the world is a nicer place to be in especially when you have friends to share it with, so make amends and get closer to the people I like to talk to and be around, or am I on a rocky path renewing old friendships that could get thrown back in my face.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

Whether it is the post illness euphoria or not MC it is ALWAYS worth the chance of making amends with people whose company you enjoy.
Exactly as you say...life is to short. Live it to the max
Good luck with it all
And keep us posted

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

Monday you now rank among the wise!
Go with your gut and good luck

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

I cut a few toxic people out of my life after my cancer treatment, realised life was too short to carry their burdens along with mine. I haven't regretted that yet at all. But you have to do what makes you happy Monday, only you know what that is.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

Personally I would never go back to renewing friendships I’d let go of because of things that upset me and believe me I know what you’re talking about .
Like you I’ve moved on and ignored them and when I’ve happened to come across them although I’ve thought about the friendship we had I think too much time has passed to renew it .
So I have to say I think your suggestion that it might be euphoria causing you to wonder about this is just that.
Have these people ever approached you for instance with a suggestion you make up ?

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

If anyone ever has what you could call ... a wake up call ... and it prompts them to re-evaluate what's important .. fine.
It can bring people together, especially if they suddenly realise what kept them apart has paled into insignificance. Might even seem petty. If both sides are genuine they can bury the hatchet. There is mutual give and take and true affection.

For myself ... when my brother came to tell me my elder brother had died I just said ... Good, you've made my day.

And he had. I didn't feel at all inclined to say ..Good grief, I wish I'd known so I could go see him.

Not a very nice response but I was honest. Truth be told I even felt a twinge of satisfaction. I think I might have smiled.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

Monday, It is always a personal decision to restore a friendship or forget family disputes, so I wont tell you what is the best thing to do.
What I will say is that my elder sister fell out with the family in the 60's and when my dad died in 1976 I managed to locate her. Her life was unhappy so she returned to the family and I saw or spoke to her every week, until she died in 2014.

I have always been so happy that I found her again and we shared many lovely moments from our past.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

My Sister and I had a big blow out, she was really nasty towards me and has always been the bossy one all of my life, telling me how to run my life, we fell out just before we put my Mum into a Home and she sent me some really disgusting emails real nasty ones, so we haven't spoken since. I have no regrets at all, I do not wish to speak to my Sister, I always send her a Birthday and Christmas card but thats all.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

MC, Go with your heart. It is the hardest thing in the world to make the first move. You can make the next move or wait for your sis to make it, which might be never. If you think it is worth getting back that person who once meant so much to you. Pick up the phone and talk to her. What the hell have you got to lose? If she is not interested. You tried.

Mort, that is so sad really. But no-one knows your history so only you know the reason you didn't care when your older brother died.

I grew up with 6 lovely brothers, couldn't have asked for more caring men. But one of my brothers suddenly took umbridge with me when, during a silly row between him and another brother, accused me of siding with my other brother rather than him. Completely untrue, I was just trying to act as peacemaker. They quickly made it up with each other after that silly spat, but he refused to speak to me for 15 whole years! which really hurt me.
Family get-togethers were really awkward, My SIL, nephews and nieces all continued to speak to me as normal, it was just my brother who completely blanked me. The longer time went on, the harder it became to break the ice and start talking again.

Then one of my other lovely brothers, the only one who had moved away from the area, had a heart attack and sadly passed away, I had to break the news to all of my other brothers. It was very hard but I picked up the phone and started to talk to my estranged brother.
I am so pleased I did because a couple of weeks later he was informed that his wife had terminal cancer. It was devastating news. but we were all there for him in his hour of need.

We have discussed the matter only once since and both agree that it was really stupid and childish to have wasted 15 precious years not speaking to each other over something that was really trivial. Happy to say we are extremely close now and it is all behind us. I would never let anything come between us ever again. My brothers all live locally so we're here for each other always.
I often think if anything had happened to him whilst we were not speaking, I would never have forgiven myself. (even though I still feel I was innocent!)

Life really is too short. It takes courage to make the first move, but if you love that person that you are no longer speaking to, it really is worth it. What can they do? they can either continue to blank you, in which case you have nothing to feel guilty about, or you can get back that person you were once so close to. It's up to you.

Re: Is there a time to let things go?

Lovely story Shroppy...
Isn't it you with all those sons?
And all those brothers?
Your family is all men!