I`m scared

I do not mind admitting it. I was having a `man chat` with Alistair(the guy who helps me with the garden) this morning.

I cannot see me falling for another woman ever. But I`m terrified. I`ve been on my own for a while now and never had children.

My lady and her youngest are welcome here but so much to sort out-not only finding space but also that `first argument` and what if said youngest finds a boy friend I do not approve of??

Just for once I`m not joking.

Re: I`m scared

Arguments happen as we adjust to one another and, yes, they can be mortifying.

As for the youngest finding someone unsuitable, then just try to 'go with it'.

The main thing is to be relaxed and not project. Projecting is invariably negative (I find) and definitely pointless.

Sadly it seems to be part of the human condition.

Going with the flow and taking a laid-back attitude may not be easy, but that's the way to do it

Re: I`m scared

What if what if...

What if you are so scared you cut yourself off and deny yourself this chance?
Arguments happen and in the best of households the 'unsuitable' friend or lover will raise their ugly head from time to time, its part of life.

Its best to go with your heart and enjoy day to day , take problems as they come (if they come) and try not to worry too much.

Re: I`m scared

I'd be sacred too Stephan been on my own too long I guess and used to having things done my way.
Couldn't share my house with anyone , I would be putting poison in their porridge after a week .

'Visiting' when everyone is on their best behaviour is one thing, cohabiting is a whole different ball game.

Re: I`m scared

Thanks-I think I just wanted my hand held.

Re: I`m scared

If I were in your shoes OG I think I would be very careful. Is there any problem in keeping things as they are? You can have a loving and sincere relationship with someone without going the whole way. Sometimes this is the ideal for everybody - including the children of the other party. You cannot expect to become their father, especially with teenagers. Things don't always have to be the traditional family unit. As I see things, there is a lot to be said for standing back a bit and letting time take it's course. I assume you both have homes of your own and there is no urgency. Better the devil you know ...... as the saying goes. There are worse things than staying your own man and not getting tied down. I don't mean to be intrusive, but can I ask if you are hoping to have a child of your own with this lady? Why make yourself responsible and vulnerable when you don't have to? You have said that you cannot see yourself falling for another woman, so why take on the commitment Sorry perhaps I should not have replied to such a personal thing.

Re: I`m scared

We've had the unsuitable suitor before our way was to just be here when it went wrong, trust them to sort it out. As for arguments they happen in best of homes. It's how you argue that makes or breaks a relationship.

Re: I`m scared

Very sound advice and I do agree.

Re: I`m scared

I agree with Aerolor too, good advice.

Re: I`m scared

Seconded .
It's hard enough being a natural parent to teenagers much less when they are in a new environment with a new adult authority figure.