19-11-2016, 10:15 AM
1
2016 Darwin Awards
Eighth PlaceIn Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck
and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker,
who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff
on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug
an eight-foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could
not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth
Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he
fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &
Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a
uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were
bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to
toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently, they failed to notice
that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
excited, and at least ten men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end
around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER
IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that
proves...“Shit
happens”.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE
PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE
POOL.
19-11-2016, 04:05 PM
4
Re: 2016 Darwin Awards
Originally Posted by Julie1962
->
Anyone else notice it's usually men 
But wait! Was her complaint valid? Nope. Deputies of the jurisdictional Sheriff's Office stated that the truck was travelling at highway speed on I-12 at the time of the incident. Her death was ruled accidental.
Angela Gaskin's mother admits her daughter was 'always in a party mode.' Angela, 20, was killed when her head struck several mailboxes. She was playing Nintendo in the passenger seat, then threw her head out the open window. Authorities said the woman was "just hanging out the truck window, having fun" and didn't see the mailboxes. Her mother found the story 'credible.'"
Graeme was watching a Soccer Cup final on TV with his father and younger brother. As his mum set about her seemingly endless rounds of household chores, she bemoaned Father's lack of interest in washing the car, mowing the lawn, etc. Guys, you know the drill.
After ten minutes of ironing and griping, she uttered the classic female complaint. "You never pay attention to me!" This met with the usual response from the sofa. "Yeah, in a minute." This was the final straw. She decided to take charge of the situation.
Dramatically, she huffed into the kitchen and returned with a large pair of scissors, stomped loudly 'round the back of the TV, grabbed what she thought was the cable, and cut though it with one deft movement of the shears. She then made an involuntarily deft movement, flying across the room and crashing against the door into a dazed and electri-fried heap.
At that point, Father and his sons started paying attention to Mum. She survived, and she even laughs about it today. But Father always seems sheepish when the story is told.
24-year-old Jessica was working out in the Provincia Hotel's gym when she realised she needed something from the floor below. Instead of picking up the phone, using the intercom, or just walking downstairs, she decided that the open shaft of the industrial lift was the communications device for her.
So Jessica stuck her head into the empty shaft to shout to the people downstairs. And somehow, she missed noticing that the elevator was coming up towards her. If the elevator had been going down, one could say that she was in no position to observe the approaching lift. But, leaving aside the stupidity of sticking your head into an elevator shaft, if she was looking down, how could she miss the mass of metal inexorably headed her way?
Since an elevator cage and a skull are both solid objects, one had to give. Let's just say, the elevator won. Jessica will be missed by her family, but not by the gene pool.
It was a cold but sunny February afternoon. Lidia, a biology teacher from Sofia, was driving two friends home from a memorial service. Suddenly the vehicle stopped. Bystanders saw all three occupants dash from the car to a nearby manhole and start pouring down liquids and powders from various bottles and jars.
Apparently the biology teacher had been performing chemistry experiments in her free time, and had some leftover noxious chemicals. It is still not entirely clear what the chemicals were, but two of the bottles were labeled diethyl ether and methanol, both highly flammable liquids. The former is also used as a sedative, so one explanation for their actions is that they felt dizzy from the ether vapors and thought it was a good idea to pour them in the sewer.
As it turns out, a good idea it definitely was not. The cocktail of flammable substances in the enclosed space of the sewer caused an explosion so powerful that it launched the manhole cover into the air, decapitating the (briefly) surprised Lidia. Left without a head on her shoulders, she decided it was time to kick the bucket.
The other two people were not unharmed, but were alive. They were taken to the hospital with burns on their faces. They may not regain their eyesight, but hopefully will be able to speak clearly enough to tell their children that tossing random chemicals down the drain is not as wise as it might at first appear.
19-11-2016, 06:44 PM
7
Re: 2016 Darwin Awards
Originally Posted by clumsy
->
..... a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.
No one else was hurt.
The one above sounds so very American.
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