Phyliss Dillerisms

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller


Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller

Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Very funny Clumsy ...I like those...made me laugh

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Brilliant - after the morning I have just had (see my thread about shopping) - I needed a good laugh!

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

I loved Phyliss Diller she was so funny!
In 1969, l went to see, 'Carry On Camping' at the cinema. Phyliss Diller was in the supporting film, which was very funny. I remember she was driving a stagecoach or something similar with runaway horses. I have googled it but can't find the name of the film?
It was so good, l went back to see the two films again!

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Have a look here, Artangel, see if anything looks familiar.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0226887/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

A very funny lady, love her humour.

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Thank You Silver Tabby, I have had a look through and l can't see any film name l can recognise? I think she only had a tiny part in it, plus it was like a 'b' film.

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

When I get up in the morning and my hair is sticking up and out I tell myself I look like phyliss diller ..........

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Brilliant Loretta

Re: Phyliss Dillerisms

Glad you all liked it. I've just re-read it, after the day I've had I needed something to laugh at.