Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising, unexpected or humourous.

• Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you – but it’s still on my list.
• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
• War doesn’t determine who is right. Only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I didn’t say it was your fault – I said I was blaming you.
• In filling out an application, where it says “in case of emergency, please notify…” it is not expected that you will answer “doctor”.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
• To be sure of hitting the target, just shoot and call whatever you hit the target.
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.