30-07-2016, 08:54 AM
1
Who said those serving in the RAF have no humour?
ok, I cheated and lifted this from somewhere else.
Remember it takes a a lot of training to fly a fighter aircraft, but only a military training diploma to fix one.
After every flight, RAF pilots fill out a form,called a gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.*
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by RAF pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 2 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
30-07-2016, 09:38 AM
4
Re: Who said those serving in the RAF have no humour?
Here are some others, mainly from the USAFYou know your undercarriage is up & locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire
If your engine fails, don't worry. You will still have enough glide speed to take you to the crash
Never trade luck for skill
Airspeed; Altitude; Brains. Any two out of three are needed to complete a flight
What do a pilot and an air traffic controller have in common?
If the pilot makes a mistake, the pilot dies; if the ATC makes a mistake, the pilot dies
The chief test pilot for the Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird, the USAF's high speed, high altitude spy plane has said - you've never been lost till you've been lost at mach 3
And a notice in the SR 71 crew room 'Though I fly through the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am at 50,000 feet, and still climbing'.
And a well known one
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots.
30-07-2016, 10:07 AM
5
Re: Who said those serving in the RAF have no humour?
Originally Posted by Tpin
->
ok, I cheated and lifted this from somewhere else.Remember it takes a a lot of training to fly a fighter aircraft, but only a military training diploma to fix one.
After every flight, RAF pilots fill out a form,called a gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.*
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by RAF pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 2 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
30-07-2016, 04:43 PM
6
Re: Who said those serving in the RAF have no humour?
I like these, very funny.Once read a story about long range patrols in I think Shackleton's, over the north sea, these would last for hours and were very boring, one time the navigator was eating his meal of baked beans when one dropped from his fork onto the chart, he ordered the pilot to change course and fly for so many minutes ,then ordered a change of course again, before resuming the original flight plan, when he entered it in the flight log it was put down as " avoiding baked bean",
30-07-2016, 04:58 PM
7
Re: Who said those serving in the RAF have no humour?
HiA bit slow to start, but still good fun.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckungdXf6fE
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