Older, but still games...

I dated a fellow for 6 months thinking we were headed for long term commitment. He would often pull back and I could sense that there was something going on. I would ask and he would shrug it off. A month ago I set him free, as I felt that our differences in everyday things was not really the making of a forever relationship. He begged me to stay in contact as he wanted to work on things so we could get back together. I agreed. Turns out he put himself on a dating site which I found out about. I told him that that says alot and that we should end things. He replied I was lost without you. I was scared of what I was feeling for you and scared of committing. I am off the dating site he said (which didnt happen til I caught him).
I am seeing the same games of younger adulthood repeating.
Opinions?!

Re: Older, but still games...

It seems you " were headed for long term commitment ".
He may not have been - but enjoyed your company and the 'now'.
Perhaps he had been wounded in the past and was cautious ?

You "set him free" ???? Did you have him in chains ?
But then, you get all twitchy if he seeks company elsewhere.
Gee, maybe he was lonely ?
Perhaps you could compromise and happily become 'friends with benefits' ?
Apparently, he still values a relationship with you.

Fact is, none of us here witnessed what went on and one side of any story is rarely good grounds for comment.
(After I have commented at length ).

Good luck !

Re: Older, but still games...

I wouldn't tolerate being in a relationship with anyone, of any age, who was playing games like this. Giving you mixed messages (ie saying he is lost without you at the same time as seeking other liaisons).

Friends with benefits is fine, if it suits both parties, and both are upfront about not wanting anything more - but you obviously do want more, and wisely put your cards on the table to this somewhat feckless individual who obviously likes playing with people's feelings.

I would trust what your gut feelings are telling you about him and his hot/cold games and get rid of him from your life. I hope you find someone who gives you the honest connection that you seek.

Re: Older, but still games...

No comment

Re: Older, but still games...

Sounds like you were both after different things, same can happen at any age. Some people don't even know what they do want and they are the ones cause most heart ache.

Re: Older, but still games...

Cake and eat it but when found out decides he needs you. Is he worth another go? I wouldn't bother, why waste your time.

Re: Older, but still games...

Wake up to the fact that you was being kept in reserve while he finds another .
Id dump him quick and thank my lucky stars I didn't get lumbered with him .
You can never trust him again .

Re: Older, but still games...

A "friends with benefits" relationship is fine if both sides are open and willing to live with the gaps
But no serious relationship with commitment at its core can survive serial infidelity and/or suspicion
I think I would think hard about where you want to be in 6 months from now CJ. .. lay your cards on the table and make your decision according to his reaction, his promises and your own instincts.

(Easy for another person to say I know)

Re: Older, but still games...

To my own surprise I am in agreement with Pumicetones assessment of this situation .
Six months is a relatively short time .
This man evidently had doubts about the relationship .
You say you 'let him free 'but then kept tabs on him ?
He is skittish about commitment perhaps because he doesn't want to make a mistake .
Do you love him ?
If you do give him another chance but not for too long and don't press for commitment .
If he loves you and wants a life with you he will say so .

Re: Older, but still games...

Giving relationship advice is always a dodgy business.

Whatever you decide ..Good Luck.