Long distance relationships

How many people are in a long distance relationship ?,and if you are how do you keep it going ?.
Some days I find the distance between me and my partner fine, I work full time, have loads of interest etc but just miss that personal side a lot. And what makes it worse our situation isn't going to change for at least 8yrs plus, so I keep questioning myself do I want to wait that long before we can be a couple and live together.

Re: Long distance relationships

That's sounds less like a relationship more like a pen pal.
There is no way you can maintain a long distant relationship for eight years .
A distant relationship is no relationship .

Re: Long distance relationships

I dare not comment! I'm in enough trouble over the road as it is!

Re: Long distance relationships

I can only tell you about a friend of mine.
She met a man on an internet forum - not a chat/dating site but a forum such as this. She lives in Derbyshire and he lives in Newcastle - neither wanted to leave their homes and families so they started off spending alternative weekends at each others house.

This progressed to him coming to her house in Derbyshire and spending two weeks with her and then she going back to Newcastle with him for two weeks.

They have been doing this for a good number of years now and it works out fine. They're retired so it's no problem for them.
I often wonder what they'll do if illness befalls one of them but I guess they're living for the moment...

I don't quite know what you mean by 'long distance' Poppy. Are you too far apart to meet up at weekends or at least once a month?

Re: Long distance relationships

Hi Carol
We live 400 miles apart, since November last year we have meet up 4 times, we text daily and speak on the phone every night.
He looks after his mum and at the moment she is able to do her personal care, but he says that she can't live on her own so he does cooking and cleaning etc. He says that when she gets so she needs the personal care he can't do that, so either carers go in the house or his sister can take over. So that won't happen until 8yrs at least. I can't move to him as I have children and they don't want to relocate. And he says that we couldn't afford to have our own place so if I did move I would have to live with him and mum. So my children wouldn't be able to live with me anyway. My children are grown up but still live at home, my younger is doing A levels.
I really love this guy but just get so fed up with this situation.

Re: Long distance relationships

Hmmm - 400 miles is a long, long, distance!
How about meeting halfway and having a nice romantic weekend together.
200 miles isn't so far to drive - better than 400.

I'd say you need to meet at least every 2 to 3 weeks to keep the relationship alive..

Good luck.

Re: Long distance relationships

400 miles! How did you ever manage to meet in the first place then?
Something I feel a bit odd Poppy, and that is how does he know it will be 8 years until his Mum will need personal care? I would be amazed if even medical people could predict that with such accuracy.

If you don't mind me saying, I think the situation you find yourself in is more difficult because you have fallen in love with him. If you had been able to keep in touch as friends only, this dilemma wouldn't exist. I'm so sorry if that doesn't sound very helpful, but I think it is the emotions that are making this difficult for you more than his Mum's health.

I can't help you decide I'm afraid, because only you know your inner feelings, but if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. What is it you hope for exactly, because if it is marriage or living together, 8 years is a very long time to wait at our age, and I don't want to be pessimistic, but is there any guarantee he will make an 'honest woman of you' if you waited until 2024?

You need to do some serious thinking Poppy, but be kind to yourself and listen to your heart.

Re: Long distance relationships

I think you have to decide what is best for you Poppy53. I think you have answered your own question about seeing him more as this is not possible. Unless you can do as Carol has said and meet up every couple of weeks mid way between you both.

I was in a long distance relationship when I met my now husband but it was a bit closer only 120 miles apart. But we had to decide early on who was moving as it would not work out for us. Or should I say me so I moved to him.

I hope it works out for you both.

Re: Long distance relationships

Yeah, I think I know what my answer is, just frightened acting on it. We meet online 13 yrs ago, and it was a long distance relationship then, but only 50 miles away so we saw each other every weekend. Then 6mths later he left, took me a few mths to figure out why we had finished. Turns out his sons mother was causing problems. So 10 yrs later we got back together, just emails,Facebook and texting. He was with someone and I was happy just being friends. When we were together he made it clear that he wasn't into marriage etc and that suited me then. But it seems when he left me he move in with another woman a year later, so that now bugs me. Then out of the blue I get a email saying that he was single had been the last 3yrs and he loves me and could we get together, took him a lot of emails, texting before I crumbled and fell in love with him again. At first I was happy with what we had but now little things bug me, and some days I just feel like I am his mate.

Re: Long distance relationships

I don´t mean to sound unsympathetic Poppy, but I think you already know what the answer is and just need a "push" to be strong and deal with it. Are you actually in love with him or his emails?