behind closed doors

Some of you may have seen this programme last night , an in depth view of domestic abuse , it was difficult to watch , the three women deeply loving men who had brutally controlled and beaten them .

It's a difficult one to understand why women (and men) stay and love their abuser , forgive over and over again , and still see the person they once fell in love with and are devastated when the relationship eventually ends .

My belief is that the abused has lost all self esteem , believes they are not worthy of anything or anyone , have become so Co dependent on another they feel they can not live without the abuser .

Most of us would not allow or put up with abuse and can't see why these people do , yet somewhere deep inside of me , the older wiser me does have a knowing . Fear of being alone , fear of life and not knowing how to cope .

Only when the abused has found their strength , found themself's , can they move on , it can take years or even a lifetime , and sometimes they never do .

I choose to live alone , I'd rather live on my own than be in an abusive relationship

Re: behind closed doors

I haven't watched it yet Susan but have recorded it ...
Not really if you stop the analysis the psychology behind a lot of domestic abuse and how insidious it can be creeping along in stages almost unnoticed by some until it is too late . It is all about the abuser having absolute power and control over another person. Once thy have achieved that escaping can be difficult because outside support and self-confidence will have been largly removed.

I attended a number of work shops with a police unit as part of my ongoing training as a volunteer with an organization and it was heartbreaking listening to case histories including that of one of the police women running the unit a previous victim herself of her abusive policeman husband.

A lot of people have complained about 'Helens' story on the Archers , I think it is excellent as a tool to raise awareness among the general public some of whom may associate domestic abuse mainly with physical abuse. The programme demonstrates the gradual wearing down of a woman's confidence in herself with the use of manipulation and alienation from friends and family . It demonstrates physiological abuse can be worse than physical because it goes largely unseen and is never ending .

My stepmother used physiological abuse on my father

Re: behind closed doors

Same for me too as regards to relationships

Re: behind closed doors

I have recently been told by a family member about a man with whom he works who is being physically abused by his wife. The man regularly goes to work with bruises but is too embarrassed to seek help and reluctant to tell anyone about it.

I understand it all began when the man received a small inheritance and instead of investing it in his wife's business speculated on something and lost the money.
The wife in her anger and frustration started beating the man up and it as continued. I have suggested to the person who told me that they try to persuade the man who is deeply depressed to see his GP .

Some people lead very sad lives behind closed doors .

Re: behind closed doors

What upset me most was seeing and hearing that poor terrified dog whimpering.

Re: behind closed doors

That would have upset me too eccles. He wouldn't even have the choice on whether to stay or go.