Best put down lines.

Hi

After looking at the kissing under the Mistletoe thread it reminded me of Christmas Eve 2013.

Out working, a drunk was waving mistletoe around and grabbed one of the A&E nurses who was out on the lash with a few others.

"Give us a kiss under the Mistletoe darling"

She looked him up and down and said, " I wouldn't kiss you under anaesthetic"

What's the best one you've heard or used?

Re: Best put down lines.

A customer who liked to intimidate the young cashiers by offering to show them his privates..

When he came in the cashier buzzed me and I took over her till... When I asked for payment he said 'I could pay you with this' and undid his fly..

I stood up peered over the till and said 'sorry we only accept cash but next time I go fishing I know where to get the maggot'..

His face went bright red and his mates could hardly stand for laughing...
He stopped intimidating the cashiers.

Re: Best put down lines.

Oh Cass! That had me in stitches!!!

I don't think I have heard or given any good ones... Must have lived a very sheltered/boring life!!

Re: Best put down lines.

I've heard of something similar, but the response was

'Oh look! It's just like a cock, but smaller.'

Re: Best put down lines.

Hi

Brilliant.

Re: Best put down lines.

When I was at school we had a lad who was not the sharpest pencil in the box and back then, teachers got away with ridiculing schoolchildren which - thankfully - does not happen quite so much.

We had a Mr Stroud, a well-respected man and a good teacher but if he latched onto someone who wasn't quite up to his exacting standards then you expected his worst.


Alan got the following written in his End-of-Term notes by Mr Stroud: -

"Alan has the unfortunate habit of setting himself extremely low levels of achievement, then fails to reach them"

That stuck with me for years and Yes, it is funny to read it now but Alan joined the RAF Regiment when he left school and served with distinction, disproving Mr Stroud's damning judgement and for me that was such a great thing to happen that I was actually proud to have known him.

I really hope he is still well. stevmk2

Re: Best put down lines.

My friend was a bit on the large size, one day a guy called him fat, his swift reply was, "Well I can lose weight but you'll still be ugly!"

Re: Best put down lines.

When I was an on duty volunteer with an organisation I let a 'client' into one of our sitting rooms and went to get him a cup of tea.
When I returned he had removed all his clothing .

I place the cup of tea on the table and said 'I think you may have mislaid your clothing, someone will be back shortly when you have found it'.

One of my male colleagues went to talk to him by which time he was fully dressed .

Re: Best put down lines.

I once got annoyed at a market stall by this lady behind me who kept pushing,and pushing......eventually I turned and said `Excuse me madam but if you wish to get up my arse any further we should be introduced.

Re: Best put down lines.

As always Stephan, a man who gets to the point. I hope the recipient of the comment appreciated the humor