Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

For 20 years, my husband and I played cards every Saturday night with our friends and neighbours opposite, alternating and I would have said we were good friends.

However since I lost my husband over 10 years ago, not once have they asked if I'm Ok, do I need help, come over for a cup of tea and a chat-even at Christmas--despite them knowing that I was left completely alone. But thats Ok, I fix things myself-if I cant they stay unfixed !! I shop online, and get out as much as I can.

I bought 2 dogs for company 10 years ago, and on the whole they are good dogs, so I was somewhat staggered to receive a letter from the Environmental Health last Wednesday, saying that on Sunday night someone had complained about my dogs barking from 21.00 to 22.30. I phoned up the Environmental Health the next day, and of course they would not say who it was, but from what they did say, i knew who it was. Bearing in mind, i am at number 4--they are at number 7 --we both have double glazed windows. I can appreciate that barking dogs can be annoying--but why did they not approach me first, before getting an official and alarming letter sent to me.

Does that sound reasonable ? Or fair---or neighbourly. ??

Or am I being unreasonable ?????

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

Doesn't sound to me like you are the unreasonable one Mariana, people are too quick to complain to authorities these days when a quick word with a neighbour may be the best way to sort things out. Had an experience of that myself when we had Elsie puppy and the neighbours up stairs involved the council when if they had knocked our door we could have address her crying when we went out, how we were supposed to know when it only happened after we had left I could never understand. Mind we have since found out they bang our door and bang on our ceiling when we go out to deliberately upset the dogs too

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

Sadly mariana I know how it feels to be dropped by long term friends , I feel for you .

Barking dogs are defiantly a problem and I can vouch for that . My neighbours dog barks for hours and scratches the patio doors , it goes on the whole time he is out. At one time it was about 6 hours. I am a small terraced property. I won't complain as my neighbour was widowed last year and he and his wife were and are nice neighbours. Luckily my neighbour doesn't go out too often but when the dog does start I put on the radio or TV.

I don't know what you can do , I feel for you and of course understand how it can annoy neighbours as the same time .

Hope things work out x

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

First of all I have to say I hate the sound of barking dogs, especially when it goes on for any length of time. If there was a problem though I think I would confront the dog owner first then if no joy I would go to the appropriate authority.
So, yes, perhaps the person responsible for you receiving a letter is being a little unreasonable.

Some people find it easier to do these things anonymously, I can understand that but if you were once good friends it would have been nicer if they'd spoken to you about the noise IF it is them!

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

Hi Mariana I am afraid when couples 'change' (due to divorce or bereavement) the dynamics of any friendships they may have had often seems to change too.

My best friend and her lovely husband with whom we spent a lot of time as two couples got divorced after which I hardly heard from her again . It was as though she had left her old friendships behind with her husband.

Likewise when I became widowed, shared friends disappeared. I guess it is more difficult asking a single person over when it has been a shared friendship. Not that it bothered me at all I am happy alone .
I suppose it could be said I could have made more of an effort myself to rekindle friendships rather than expecting others too do it but that is not my way.

With regard to the dogs, my neighbour's dogs bark for hours when left alone . I appreciate there are times when they have to be left and I have mentioned it to her .
I would not dream of reporting her and grit my teeth and bear it

We can't choose our neighbours but we do have to live along side them so it is best to stay on friendly terms if we can for all concerned.

I think in your circumstances if you can muster up the courage I would approach the neighbours you think complained and in a friendly way ask them if they have heard your dogs barking because someone has complained and you are very concerned and could they let you know if it happens again.
If you can't face person to person try a note

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

I think in your circumstances if you can muster up the courage I would approach the neighbours you think complained and in a friendly way ask them if they have heard your dogs barking because someone has complained and you are very concerned and could they let you know if it happens again. quote

To be honest, I do not even feel like talking to them again-I feel totally sick that they could do this.

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

The first and only time I spoke to a neighbour about his dogs barking all evening until quite late he threatened to kill me ! Next time I'll report him to the local council.

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

Mariana, what you haven't said to us is, were the dogs actually barking for that length of time? Had you gone out and left them, giving the neighbours cause for complaint?

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

TO be honest--I am not really sure---as I had not been well, and was in bed early--so yes, they could have been barking all that time, although I did not hear them. --but it was not 2.00 or 3.00 in the morning when all is said and done. Thet had never contacted me before about a problem.

Re: Am i unreasonable---or are they ?

A lot of dogs bark at this time of year scared by fireworks - I think if it was a one off they complained about they are being downright nasty. Perhaps they should have wondered whether you were OK ? and popped round to check rather than call the authorities.