12-11-2015, 02:52 PM
1
A few funnies.
The Girls' Night outThe other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
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Women - Discretion Vs Logic.
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam... I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your skirt is blowing up in this high wind"?
"Yes, I know", said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto my hat".
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and just about everything can be seen" said the gentleman earnestly!
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. The hat is new. I only bought it yesterday"!
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