Adapting to living alone following a bereavement

Hello,

You may have seen me pop up on here before - I write for Saga and have done quite a lot of its recent content around bereavement.

I wondered if anyone would feel comfortable being interviewed on the phone for a short chat about how they coped with learning to live alone following the death of a partner... it could be about adjusting to being on your own when you've relied on someone to do the cooking in the past - having to learn new skills and so on. The emotional impact of being on your own and having to go through sentimental items such as clothes and photographs and take away any clothes.

I understand this is a hugely emotive subject (and my mum has sadly gone through it twice, so it is of personal relevance to me), so if people would rather comment here that would be great as well. I just use first names and ages and the quotes really give a sense of real life to the pieces, so they are always appreciated. I will post them up when they go live too.

Thanks in advance,
Julia

Re: Adapting to living alone following a bereavement

Julia, Do you not think that someone who has been in a live-in relationship that has abruptly ended is just as bereaved as someone whose partner has died?
This person has to learn how to attend to things they had never had to deal with before. In my case it was learning to use a ride on lawnmower, I had never had to mow a lawn in my life!! Driving the mower around and the grass was just as long as when I started was because I didn't know you had to engage the cutters first! You still automatically, put two cups out for each of you when making a cup of tea! Eating alone, no one to share the bottle of wine with!! Having to reduce your Council Tax to 'Single'. Emergencies in the house that you have to attend to on your own. Living alone and hearing noises in the night and no one to reassure you everything will be alright. There are other things you have to get used to but I hate to say it, the bereaved, through death, get a lot more sympathy.

Re: Adapting to living alone following a bereavement

And so they should, to lose someone you love is soul destroying, particularly if you know you will never see them again because they've passed away and nothing can bring them back.

To lose someone because they don't love you any more or simply want to be on their own is different, you can go through the motions of anguish and hurt but you know they are still around and you will get over it.

I broke up from my partner after many years together, he was my soul mate or so I thought.
I found out he'd been cheating and I was devastated, my life changed that very day, the pain I felt was almost physical, I felt sick, I cried endlessly, I was simply a mess.

Only time healed me but it also numbed me inside, it felt like a bereavement but I knew I would get better eventually, I had a lot of support from friends and family and day by day I got stronger,eventually I was able to move on and something happened that made it real easy for me to do so.

I saw him in town a couple of years later, he'd lost most of his hair, become very fat and that was such a tonic for me. I saw him in another light and it felt good!

I hope you will be able to look back one day and feel as I did because time really is a great healer