I still cry myself to sleep

It has now been over a month since Jim died.

The worst day of my life was the day he died (07/08/2015), walking in to the bedroom and seeing him lying there. He looked to peaceful.

I know people think I should be OK now, he has been buried and I should be "over" it, but I'm not. He was my husband, and he is no longer with me.

I manage throughout the day, I can concentrate on other things, but at night, I cannot.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, and I will again tonight. When will I be able to fall asleep without thinking about him? I don't know, maybe never.

It seems like everybody is able to get over things except me.

I have my life, my daughter is alive and healthy with her children, but as much as I love them - life seems meaningless without him.

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

I quite understand what you mean, its also very early days for you.
I can remember going through this when my husband died, five years at the end of this month, and already I am living through those last days, like I do every year.

Everybody is different, there isn't a time limit on it. Some people say life goes on, and yes it does, but it doesn't happen quickly.

Nights are also the worst for me, even now. I see something on TV and go to speak to John, even now.

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

Bless you its early days and you will cry and best let it out , There will come a day when you will not be crying yourself to sleep , Perhaps you should look for support , Doctors usually have a list of support groups that may be able to help , someone like you but further along that will tell you life will have meaning again .

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

I do that too.

Just this afternoon I was cleaning the wall-unit and a bottle of whisky in the display cabinet was empty, and I said "Jim, I told you to take the bottles out when they were empty!". It took a few seconds before I realised he was no longer there to hear me.

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

Its really very early days still for you ...you will have lots of tears im sure ,and the evenings are always the worst time as it feels as if youre alone especially in the middle of the night with your thoughts and memories.
Its a well worn cliche but time will heal the raw hurt you feel right now...it might take a yr or more but just go with the flow and things will get easier,you wont ever get over this you just go around it and all the happy memories will be there forever!
I think its actually very healthy to cry and let your emotions out dont try and hold onto them,in their own way theyre there to help you heal ..sending you big hugs and I will be thinking of you too ..you will get stronger in time!!!

Remember you can always come on here and tell us how youre feeling and we can listen and try to support you as well x

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

Oh Susan I do feel sorry for you and anyone who loses their wife or husband .... it has only been a month since you lost Jim so the pain is still raw and I can only hope that your feeling of despair will lessen over time.

I had lunch the other day with a lady whom I'd never met before and she lost her husband a year ago and it was obvious that it was as if it was only yesterday .... to make matters worse she found out 6 months ago that she has breast cancer and is going through treatment for that.

There's no magic wand and nothing anyone can say will ease your sadness at the moment but I hope that in time (sooner rather than later) you will find peace and contentment.

Sending hugs xx

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

Susan, a month is no time! I can only agree with all the other comments on here and say again, we are here for you to talk to.

I was explaining to my brother today that when away in Bournemouth this past week I went by bus to Salisbury in the hope that I'd enjoy the trip better than a year ago, when at the time I just suddenly started sobbing while walking to the Cathedral! For what reason? Just thinking about my Mum, and possibly because a mother & daughter were on that coach holiday. So that would have been around 2 years after her death.

At the time I just sat in the shadow of the Cathedral letting it all out. So this time I was a lot better and did light a candle in her memory.

Hugs from me too. xxx

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

It's terrible when that sense of loss washes over you .... often for no apparent reason ... I experienced it for a long time after my mother died and still do occasionally ... it will be 18 years on Tuesday

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

ScottishCatLady

OMG ..I truly feel, there is no one that feels you should be over it by now ...
They are just trying to be helpful ...
There is no time limit on missing a person ..
This is a person .. you spent your life with ...and you love deeply ...
As time goes on you might think of him less and less each day ...
then you might not think of him at all ...
One month later .. there is an occasion or anything can happen ...
you find yourself crying again .. because you thinking of him and how dearly you miss him ...
Love will always stay in your heart ...and your memories will always
be in your mind ...
If you think about it .. those are two things in life that no one can
ever take from you ...
As for your tears ..they are salted just like the ocean ...
and the ocean is here for eternity ..just like your feeling will be with you for eternity

I would also like to offer my condolences to you and your family ...

Re: I still cry myself to sleep

Susan, a month is no time at all in your circumstances. Of course you still cry. You need to. Just take one day at a time and you will make little steps that lead to your future.