Random thoughts

The location of your letterbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a bathrobe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure he was hitting on me.

My 60-year junior school reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 12 stones I've gained.

I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?”

I always wondered what the job application is like at Playtex: do they just give you a bra and say, "here, fill this out".?

Champion racing driver Lewis Hamilton announced that this will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his indicator on the whole time.

The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!

The chemist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an British man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. ...This is upsetting news to my husband........... he had no idea he was Japanese.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their nose?