Tall Story 5

It was now Albert and Doris's 40th wedding anniversary. The day had come and the local village hall had been booked for a celebration and a good old knees up. All the family were invited. Many friends,. Even Albert's sister in law who he didn't speak to for years had been sent an invite. Would she appear, they wondered?

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They had hired 'Crumbs' to do the catering and 'Chain Saw Charlie' as DJ and, as a special treat for Doris, Albert had arranged for 'Big Todger' to do a strip late in the evening.

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Well, Doris was young minded, but Albert did worry about if his sil would come and also that she was very prudish. Little did they know what was in store for them that evening........

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Albert & Doris got to the hall early, so they would be there to welcome their guests as they arrived. All the tables had been set up and the food put out under covers. Someone had been busy putting balloons and fairy lights up, and Doris was really pleased how inviting everything looked.
The back door opened, and Chain Saw Charlie , the DJ, came stumbling in, tripped over his boxes of records and fell flat on his face, sending the microphone spinning across the floor. "Bleep bleep bleep" his language made your eyes water. He reached for his walking stick, and pulled himself up off the floor, putting his teeth back in as he got up.

They all heard another car door slam outside, and the back door opened again ....

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.... A huge pair of stylish sunglasses appeared first, followed by a sequinned arm and a waft of Old Spice ......

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..............it was the stripper, 'Big Todger' who had arrived early to partake of the free booze and grub before his act began. Helooked resplendent in his 6in high heels, black fishnet tights, white tutu and bright red bodice (well padded) and bouffant hairstyle plus, of course, bright orange lipstick, slightly smudged.

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I don't think this one is for me
Says Patsy ..... Not part of the story BTW

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why not? said myra (not part of the story)

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Anyway....


Albert eyed up the stripper. He ain't no Big Todger, thought Albert, more of a little 'un. Sorry Gov, said Quentin. Big Todge couldn't come. He's been on the drink again and there's no wakening him, so I'm the replacement. Said Little Todger. Well, he'll have to I suppose, thought Albert. People were arriving ten to the dozen. Their cousins Twiz, Myra, Pats, Patsy, Diamond Lil and Flynn appeared. They'd been at the pub, so were worse for wear. All the grandkids were there, running amok, chucking crisps and drinking cans of fizzy pop, much to the dismay of the hall caretaker. Suddenly, the door opened and everyone went quiet. Albert's sil Felicity walked in. With a pointy nose and middle parting in her hair, tightly tied back. Tweed jacket, knee length kilt. She surveyed the hall, with a look of disgust. Albert went over and asked "sweet sherry, Felicity?". Only if it's in a proper sherry glass,she replied. Gawd, though Albert. Dont think Crumbs go that far. He gave Felicity the sherry in a half pint tumbler. She took it, but looked as if dog muck was under her nose. Diamond Lil shouted across the hall "get it down yer gal". Fellcitiy downed the sherry in one go, terrified of Diamond Lil. That's the gal, shouted Diamond. Another? Well - that was the start of things to come..........

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Had enough of tall story for a while