How to stop moaning?

My wife tells me I'm getting to be more and more of a grouch.

Thinking about it I know that she's right of course, but despite the time of year, I always find it hard to be all bright and breezy because I remember too much of the bad times from my past.

At work I'm often told I worry too much too so it's all coming at me from all sides.

I'm a born pessimist; I always expect the worst because, quite often, that's what I got so can anyone tell me just how I can get past this and be more what my wife wants?

Believe it or not, this is a serious question as I do suffer from depression. stevmk2

Re: How to stop moaning?

Steve I was going to say "duck tape" until I read the rest of your post.

Christmas is a difficult time for some, because you can't help looking back. Its worth it to remember Christmas day is only one day. Then you can move on again. Just try and get through the day itself and I'm sure you'll come out unscathed

I like to bear in mind the proverb: to look back is depression. To look forward is anxiety. To stay in the moment is peace. Hope you stay in the moment

Re: How to stop moaning?

Its easy to be a pessimist - look for the joyful things in life Steve, its the only way to get out of the rut.

Re: How to stop moaning?

Nice proverb, alice76.

It can be hard to put the past in its pigeonhole, stevmk2, but perhaps that is what you need to try to do? Maybe CBT could help?

Re: How to stop moaning?

Steve make that your New Year's Resolution and think of it every time you feel yourself getting into a 'moany mood' ... it may help you.

Re: How to stop moaning?

Steve I was offered counselling but didn't want too at the time ,Ive started to write down my feelings ,getting it down on paper is i think is as good . Perhaps this will help you and when your wife reads it perhaps she will understand the hurt you hold inside ,and how it comes out in day to day life .

Re: How to stop moaning?

Its a good idea Eliza - I did the same then just put it away, I came across it the other day and shredded it, I didn't read it - its in the past where it belongs

Re: How to stop moaning?

Few things I have found helped with tendency to become depressed, get out side for a walk, somewhere in the countryside is best and get some fresh. Eat well, make sure you get all the vitamins etc you need it's amazing how just changing one or two things can change your mood.
Try to think of one or two things each day that make you feel better about life and keep away from negative people they can be quite toxic and bring even happiest person down.

Re: How to stop moaning?

Very good advice Julie

Re: How to stop moaning?

Steve, buy yourself a special notebook book to write in. Don't get anything black and depressing, get something you are happy with. Maybe you could sketch on the outside or even decorate with small pictures you like, it doesn't matter as long as you are pleased with it.
Each day, note down only the positive things that occur, simple things like you bumped into an old friend, or your wife was pleased about something, you got a horrid job finished, or you made a smashing job of the Christmas decorations! Anything at all, no matter how minor, as long as nothing negative is allowed in that book.
Then when you feel a bit down, have a read through at all the nice things that happen each day that we take for granted or barely notice even, let alone remember.

Someone suggested this idea to me once when I was going through a difficult patch, and it helped me enormously.
It's a simple, inexpensive way to look for the good things and well worth a try. Don't give up.