My mother and father taught me...

1. My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC ..
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying,
and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in
this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father
when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you !"

Re: My mother and father taught me...

Very funny, did make me laugh. No.6 and No.18 strike a chord with me, my mum often used to say the same about the clean underwear and crossing eyes.

She also taught me about Botany. "If you swallow those pips a tree will grown inside you" One of her unfunny jokes!

Re: My mother and father taught me...

Brilliant read Venus. Ive had most said to me and ive said a few myself to my children .. Did bring back childhood memories ,Thank you

Re: My mother and father taught me...

You're welcome gals...my thoughts same as yours when I read this

Re: My mother and father taught me...

How very true-Venus.I can recall someone saying-"Come over here-I don't want to take you home-lost"