Aussie humour.

I like Australian jokes.

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, an old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?"

The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "What's the good news.......??"

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....!"

Re: Aussie humour.

From the mouth of Aussie comedian King Billy Cokebottle

I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).

Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.

We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."

Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said Morton.

By now the copper is getting fairly pissed off and finally demands a urine sample for testing.

Morton looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either."

The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!! "

"Bloody oath mate." says Morton. "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us Black Fellers."

Re: Aussie humour.

Aussies answer their own questions:-

"What do you do at weekends sport?
What's your name Sheila?
What's your favourite colour blue?
What's your name Bruce?