Just wondering

I am a widow. I find it hard still to say that, even though next week will be 3 years since my husband died.
I am wondering if there are others here like me. I still find it overwhelming at times that I am here alone doing everything. Sometimes I feel like I have things under control, that I know what I'm doing and that I get things done. I mean the bills are paid, the house is clean, I keep my appointments and such. But, at other times I feel like I am going in circles, not sure what to do, (things need to be fixed around here, things my husband would do) and it just takes me down.
I still have times I cry, I cry because I miss him but also I know I am crying because I am where I am now at this point in my life. Alone and not sure of my future. It's very hard when we had all those years as a couple, who made decisions together and now I fret over who to call to do the plumbing, or the electrical stuff.
I am sorry if this sounds silly, I guess I am having one of those days. I am a strong woman, who can take care of myself, but sometimes I just feel so lost and on my own after many years of being a couple, a team who worked together. Anyway, just venting here. Thanks for reading. zoe

Re: Just wondering

Zoe next year it will be 30 years since my husband died and I still feel an acute sense off loss if I allow myself to think about him in any depth.

The early years after my husbands death were a living nightmare as I struggled to come to terms with knowing he was no longer in my world and I would never see him again .
Some days I was very efficiently and function well, other days I was a complete mess reduced to tears at the slightest thing.

I gradually learned that I would do my best to cope with running things each day and that which I couldn't manage would have to be left, it didn't matter anyway, I had survived another day on my own.

Don't worry about the bad days, cry if you need to and let them go, tomorrow may be better xx

Re: Just wondering

Hello Zoe - here for you anytime ......
I still have my Hubs, but I know the feeling of loss xx
Heres something for you - hope it cheers you ......

May the sun bring you new energy,
May the moon restore you by night ......
May the rain - wash away your worries,
May the breeze blow strength into your being ........
(Apache Blessing - to Zoe x)

Re: Just wondering

Hello Zoe, I lost my first husband 40 years ago and yes its such a frightening experience. But you do get there,you can manage, you are a woman and you will maybe surprise yourself how well you can cope. It takes time and you will get there.

Re: Just wondering

Hello Zoe. I lost my 1st husband 37 years ago - he was only 32 yrs old and I was devastated. I know how you feel, it is so hard. Some days were worse than others and I never thought I would ever get back to 'normal' but things will improve for you. I know a lot of folk say this but time is a great healer but, believe me, it is true. Come on here any time, we are good 'listeners'.

Re: Just wondering

Zoe darling you are not being silly at all. We all have our own strengths and weaknesss and it is so hard to come to terms with the loss of a partner.

I lost my darling just five years ago and like you, I guess I relied on him to do certain things which I can't manage myself, so I truly do know what you mean. Not that was all I wanted him for.

Some people say that time heals, but they never say how long time is, however it does work for a lot of folk, because we're all different, but if you've had a very intense relationship with your partner the loss is much greater, BUT as time passes, it slowly becomes more bearable, but acceptance is the hardest part.

Re: Just wondering

Sorry to hear of your loss Zoe.
Having read what you have said I would say you are coping very well, although you might not see that. You have managed to come on a
forum and give us your heartfelt thoughts. Its better to off load them to someone than keep them locked up as they hurt so much.
You will find your way and find an electrician they are there.
Ask your friends if they know of anyone reliable or who they
have used before. If you have no children have you thought of
getting a pet. A dog or a cat? With a dog you can take them for
walks and they are very loyal and many people have met lots of
friends taking them out as you always get chatting to someone.
These little things help you cope with your loss and you wont
feel alone as much.
Don't be afraid to have a weep then you release the stress. We all
do it. I do hope you well and you never know someone or thing
might be around the corner that will help you.

Re: Just wondering

I agree Mollie for some of us time doesn't heal, we just learn how to cope with the loss and to come to terms with our 'new' situation.

I put my past in a little box and close the lid only allowing the odd peep inside, I know if I open the box too wide the pain will be unbearable .

I also know for me time will never heal but that is a price I pay for loving someone so intensely and it is a price I am prepared to pay. Some people never know the joy of really loving someone and for me although our time together was all too short it was worth it .The brief joy we shared is something that will last me my whole life through .

Re: Just wondering

Lovely post Meg - and I know what you describe, to be true ....

Re: Just wondering

Thank you all so much for all your thoughts and concern for me. I know it is hard for all of us who have had such a great loss in our lives.
We were married for 35 years and I don't think we spent one day apart. I miss him so much but I do get up every morning and do what I have to do. I think the anniversary coming up is getting to me, I was ok for a while there. It comes in waves, good days then some bad days.
I don't think I will ever get over this, but I know it becomes more bearable as time moves on.
I do appreciate being able to post here, to get it out. It does help to hear others thoughts.
I don't really have anyone that I talk to, so to just get it out somewhere helps immensely.
Sometimes I think some people think it's been near 3 years you should be feeling much better. Well, I am at times, but this is something that I will never get over.
Thank you all for making me feel I am doing ok and doing it in my own time. zoe