Could the news read like this in the future?

They say the devil makes work for idle hands and seeing I was idle all day I wondered could we be reading this kind of thing in the near future, it is not meant to offend anyone, purely light hearted.




Last year we imposed a total ban on meat from all four legged creatures, but that is not good enough, as from 5 May 2032 this ban will include Chicken, Pheasant, Turkey, Grouse, duck and Geese, all birds in fact, and of course any eggs from such creatures, in order to prepare us for next years total ban on fish.

We now find with our highly successful ban on Alcohol, that some citizens are illigally drinking petrol, after shave lotion and methylated spirits in the privacy of their own homes, this is outragous and any person reported by a concerned neighbour will be gently put to sleep, in their own home, of course, indeed only last week three persons were lectured to death when caught SMOKING! in the Kerry mountains not a thought given to the protection of the trees in the area, why only three days ago a team of tree surgeons had to sit up all night with two sick trees, unfortunately they lost their courageous battle and the trees had to be pulled down and buried, the minister for forestry attended the funeral and the oration was read by a member of the special branch, may they rest in peace.

Mr. John Byrne from South Dublin was given twelve months detention in Mountjoy prison for telling his beautiful wife 'Snowdrop' to shut up, this expression of barbaric anger was banned several years ago and carries a custodial sentence, he was overheard by a concerned person standing outside the couples bedroom door minding his own business.

Now for our competition, the minister for bans wants all healthy citizens to enter our "What's not banned yet" competion, if you can think of something he might have overlooked just jot it down on a sheet of recycled paper and sent it in. Remember the first prize is a copy of that best seller, "Recycle yourself, let your Family eat you when you die." plus the recipe book by the same author, Rob Hart, and the best of luck to you.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

I need to think about this one. I tend to become carried away, when I get my teeth in to a good topic.

I think there'll be a lot of forced body organ donors for the rich & super rich. perhaps even "farming" lower grade humans, disposing of them painlessly, once all their organs have been taken away..

Nurse Gillian is having some quality time with our two daughters tomorrow so I'll have some time to think JEM.

Gadzooks, I just overheard they are going shopping..

I must run, well actually I can't run, a fast shuffle then will do.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

as from 5 May 2032 .

As of this date I suspect the "New Age" over 50s will be having this debate.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

Indeed spitfire, and maybe they'll have the worry of their grandkids future too.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

Some of tomorrows news on the electronic media I imagine would either be funny to us or very scary if we had access to it today, I say electronic because I definitely think newspapers are on the way out fast.
All the organ transplant advanced technology scares the hell outa me because although it's good in it's own right I can see mass corruption and greed taking over, anything as big a "Product" as life prolonging transplant organs is too big a carrot for the evil and the greedy of this world to resist, indeed it wouldn't surprise me if it was going on right now

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

Post 1 - loved it, made me have a good chuckle (stuff that is so close to the truth is often the funniest isn't it )

That is precisely the point I have been trying to make and is the synopsis of Michael Chrichton's book but the using of DNA databses to track these compatible donors (even though they don't realise they're about to become donors) down.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

I see in the paper today former tory leader William Hague is caught up in a sexism row after appearing to call a labour MP "A stupid Woman", what a terrible thing to say, does that mean if my wife calls me a stupid man she's breaking some kind of stupid new law? On many occasions she has uttered threats like "Jimmy if you don't stop messin with the TV I'll murder you!", surely that carries at least a ten year sentence, I hope the authorities never find out about the time I told her to "Shut ya face woman", I think they might even bring back hanging for that one.
It's all gone mad I tell you!!!

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

It is a crazy world Jem on that, there is no doubt, I guess they'll ban....
'Shuddupa yer face' such a shame - really like that song .....

...'Whats a matta you why you looky so sad ... Ah, shuddupa yer face '

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

I play that song for the two grandsons Pats, they love it, always gets them laughing.

Re: Could the news read like this in the future?

Play it when the Italians come over ......