The Joke Thread

Please feel free to add your own titter-makers


A little girl walks into the lounge one Sunday morning while her dad is reading the paper. Where does poo come from she asks The father, feeling a little perturbed that his 5 hear old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says:
‘Well, you know we just ate breakfast?’ ‘Yes’ says the little girl.
‘Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff and then whatever is left over comes out when you go to the toilet and that is poo’

The little girl looks shocked and stares at him with watery eyes in stunned silence. After a few seconds she asks: ‘And Tigger?’

Re: The Joke Thread

- good one Karen !

Re: The Joke Thread

This is a great 'Golden Oldie'

It clearly demonstrates how they waste our money.
.
.
The Night Watchman

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-11.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" so they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cut overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
.
.


.

Re: The Joke Thread

15 Things My Mother Taught Me!


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

2. My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

11. My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Re: The Joke Thread