05-01-2013, 11:29 AM
1
Ordering pizza
ORDERING PIZZA.
.
Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: Thank you, Mr Smith. I see you live at 42 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366.
Your work number is 745 2302 and your mobile number is 266-2566.
Email address is smith@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?
Customer: I'm at home. Where did you get all this information?
Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what's that?
Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.
This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
Customer: What d'ya mean?
Operator: Your medical records and toilet sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure
and extremely high cholesterol. Medicare won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
Operator: Well, you borrowed 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.
That's why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $29.99.
Customer: I'll give you my credit card number.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: Well, I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here!
Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your cheque account is overdrawn also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you're out getting the cash,
but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a bit awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?
Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repossessed.
But your bike's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#
Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir.
You've already got a July 4, 2012 conviction for swearing at a copper and another one,
I see here, in September. For contempt at your hearing..swearing at the judge.
Oh yes, and I see here that you just got out from a 3 month stretch in jail.
Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 litre Coke.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soft drinks to diabetics.
The law now prohibits it.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut !
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