01-04-2013, 09:31 PM
11
Re: Flattery v Compliment
Robert's PostMargot bumped into Myfanwy in Harvey Nicholls.
“ Darling, I love your outfit” she cooed, following it up with a withering
“ I’ve always loved it”
Was that flattery, complimentary or plain old fashioned bitchiness?
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I would judge what was said as plain old fashioned bitchiness. Harvey Nicks is an upmarket shop and is not cheap - cooing in one sentence and then adding in a withering way "I have always loved it" tells me Myfanw's outfit may not be new and has been seen quite a bit. It's a bit of a backhander, calculated to discomfort. Not very nice.
Thinking about compliments and flattery. I would think a compliment is best taken gracefully and at face value and even if we don't believe it it is good manners to accept it gracefully. The flatterer often has a motive and he/she can be either genuine, shallow or insincere depending on the the situation, motive and the degree of flattery. AS Pats says it depends on how things are said - and how often.
Then there is sychophancy.
01-04-2013, 10:04 PM
12
Re: Flattery v Compliment
Originally Posted by Willow
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Far too many people make flattering statements which are untrue. I have noticed this particularly on forums, someone will post a ghastly photo of themselves, for instance, and others will make flattering comments ,which they can't mean, that or they should have gone to Specsavers! I would be highly annoyed if someone paid me a compliment, which was ludicrously untrue. Far from thanking them, I would challenge them and ask why they thought it necessary to tell a lie!
02-04-2013, 09:40 AM
13
Re: Flattery v Compliment
I dont often offer compliments unless some thing is strking, but if Im talking to a friend and can see from their face that they arnt that happy I will look for the most truthful thing on them thats nice , maybe just the colour of a shirt or some thing simple you can tell it cheers them up a little just to be noticed especially old people. I know I like it if some one bothers to look and notice me ...
02-04-2013, 12:20 PM
15
Re: Flattery v Compliment
Originally Posted by spitfire
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You have used the words I and me four times in a 79 word statement, that is ball park 3.1...%. It is best not to post images as they cloud the issue. truth is a subjective matter. Imo.
02-04-2013, 12:22 PM
16
Re: Flattery v Compliment
Originally Posted by valice
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It is quite nice to receive compliments, but I have always felt rather uncomfortable doing so, I don't know why. Perhaps on the strength of that I have found it difficult to pay compliments to others too.
02-04-2013, 12:51 PM
17
Re: Flattery v Compliment
Rena - yes 'sychophantics' ugh - dont you just see that a lot
As for 'flattery' - I never once thought it insincere, I agree with Bags - maybe, 'flattery' is harmless fun, and a compliment 'more sincere'. I saw a programme last night about Eric Morecombe, the presenter Miranda Hart was so thrilled to meet the writer of the shows (Eddie) that she said to him 'I cant believe I'm being hugged by you !' He said 'O'h you flatter me'. No way was 'she' being insincere..
So its complicated - thats for sure....
03-04-2013, 09:20 AM
18
Re: Flattery v Compliment
I'm another one who's never really thought about the difference between the two words - when I've been paid a compliment, I've even said 'thank you, I'm very flattered'; now my brain is going into meltdown trying to figure out if my response was insincere (even though I know it wasn't)
Then again, I can remember my mum saying (in a bit of a sarcastic voice to someone she didn't really get on with following a false compliment) 'oh you old flatterer you' - maybe I should have paid more attention to her choice of wording!
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