The Drunkard
Just as I was about to hop into bed last night, Murtagh suddenly started howling like a wolf. I hurried down the stairs to see what the problem was (it was almost midnight) and it turns out there was a man just outside the house 'slightly' the worse for wear; actually he was a lot the worse for wear and was lying in the road with his rucksack and a large bottle of beer beside him. I think he must have bumped into our window which would explain Murtah's howling.
As far as I could see, there was no way he was going to get up unaided, although he did manage to keep his bottle of beer upright throughout. I tried ringing 101 but they were too busy to answer so ended up ringing 999. They asked a few questions such as was the road busy at that time, did I know him and could I give a description.
Anyway, they decided that he might be a danger to himself and said they would send a car. Murtagh was barking the whole way through all this.
Eventually, the goatee bearded drunk managed to sit upright and after much searching through his rucksack (opening and closing zips etc) he found his mobile phone.
So there he was, sat in the middle of the road, drunkenly punching numbers into his phone, getting the wrong person several times and politely telling them to F*** off.
Then the inevitable happened, the bugger stood up, had a wee, had a swig of his beer and staggered off up the road. He did stop briefly to aim his phone towards the night sky, perhaps he was trying to video the stars or something, then he disappeared around the corner.
Obviously no police had arrived yet, so I had to ring them back and tell them the good news. I have no idea how far he got last night, whether he made it home in one piece or whether the cops were called again but one thing I am sure about, he didn't spill one drop of his beer.