2016 Darwin Awards
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck
and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker,
who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff
on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug
an eight-foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could
not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth
Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he
fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &
Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a
uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were
bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to
toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently, they failed to notice
that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
excited, and at least ten men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end
around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER
IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that
proves...“Shit
happens”.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE
PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE
POOL.