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There was an old man called Gandhi
Who popped into a pub for a shandy
He wiped off the froth
With his loin cloth
And the barmaid said "Blimey, that's handy"
There was an old person of Fratton
Who would go to church with his hat on.
"If I wake up," he said,
"With a hat on my head,
I will know that it hasn't been sat on."
There was a young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied
When asked, "Who is dead?"
He giggled and said,
"I don't know; I just came for the ride."
I once had a blind date with Cilla.
I took her to watch Aston Villa.
She sang to the crowd
And she sang very loud
And that's why they threatened to kill 'er.