Re: Visiting the dead

It's a hundred mile trip to visit my fathers grave and the crematorium where my mothers ashes are scattered.

There is one I visit regularly though.

Re: Visiting the dead

I like to go & stand by my mums grave - take flowers and just contemplate. I get such a feeling of peace.
Of course I remember her at other times too - every day almost - but the times at the cemetery are special to me.

Re: Visiting the dead

I have to say that I've always found cemeteries a place of peace.

Re: Visiting the dead

I like cemeteries, they're usually well tended and I like having a wander, reading the headstones but I don't visit my parents grave much - just find I feel worse after a visit so don't go regularly, I know they'd understand so I don't feel bad about it.
I guess we're all different...

Re: Visiting the dead

Well Jem, not all graveyards are dark and dreary. If I could work out how to do it I'd post a pic on here of our local Church. My Mum and my late husband are buried there and I take flowers to them most weeks. I do talk to them too, but it doesn't mean I don't think about them at any other time. I do, however, quite understand your post and whatever is right for you, is the right thing to do.

Re: Visiting the dead

I agree Sweetsue.

The cemetery in our village isn't anywhere near a Church (although our village has two churches) it's a lovely little place set in woodland on the outskirts of the village and is quite charming...the only bugbear is the rabbits that eat the flowers as soon as you turn your back and walk away.

Re: Visiting the dead

Mum and Dad's place is just outside the village up a very long and twisty lane. At the top are a few houses, a huge house and estate, and the church and cemetery. It's also slightly elevated and in the middle of the airfield's circuit. The only sounds are the light aircraft and birds. It is delightfully tranquil so I always feel at peace there, even though I'm visiting my parents' plot.

There are a few wooden benches so if it's a warm day nice to sit and relax.

Re: Visiting the dead

me too carol, it's less than a year since my lovely mum joined my dad, he passed away in 1964 and I've always visited the grave though other family members don't

I talk to them and it makes me feel better though I still shed more than a tear every time I go

Re: Visiting the dead

Poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye 1905-2004

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.


I understand why folks feel the need to visit graves, but it's not for me. I carry their memory in my head.

Re: Visiting the dead

Looking for a grave at the moment. My great Grandad George and Grandma Mary are buried in a massive cemetery in Leeds. Still haven't
found where they are as the older part where they are is overgrown and
not really tended to. I only found out the other month what the section
and plot was. Why do I want to find the ploy. Well in my mind I would
like to say Hello to them as they have been dead for over a 100 years
and I am here because of their love for each other.
I am determined to find them but its hard when you don't live in the
same city.
My parents were both cremated and so will I be. I don't believe I
regretted not going to their grave. I have them in my head and
can still tell stories of them to my kids and Grandkids. I think that is
what is important in my mind its the mentioning and remembering
whether its good or bad.