Memories from work.

Hi

We have all worked, so what are your funniest or weirdest memories, we must all have a few.

I have a few which stick in my mind, I will kick it off.

Twenty odd years ago I was sat next to someone who is now a very well known lady, we had known each other through work for a couple of years.

The most reserved and decorous lady, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

She was obviously uncomfortable in the meeting, so I whispered to her, "You OK?"

I was shocked by her reply.

I have trapped wind, I need an enormous fart.

Re: Memories from work.

Oh that's funny SF.

I've got to ask you - did she or didn't she?

Re: Memories from work.

My boss standing on a stool holding his trouser legs while I hunted down a killer mouse!
Storming out of a boss' office after a huge row, catching my handbag strap on the handle of the door I was trying to slam and flinging myself back into his office, we both fell about laughing!
Swearing an oath of secrecy to a Major when working for the SA defence force, a fly kept pitching on my nose, trying to blow it off and I ended up with tears running down my face.
Going to sick bay to get a pill for a headache, a chap in a white coat told me to go behind a screen and undress, when I looked at his ID it said "engineer" he was visiting the doc too, he got a good telling off from me!

Re: Memories from work.

After a huge balls up at work, my boss went storming out to the factory to give everyone a rollicking. He smashed his fists on top of a large pile of boxes not realising that they were empty and went crashing to the floor in front of us all.

Re: Memories from work.

My boss a rather bad temperered chap was walking under a walk way just as I tipped my bin full of dead and decaying pigeons over the hand rail. Was supposed to then be picked up by my colleagues on ground floor but they ran like the wind when they saw them hit him square on head, could here him shouting from three houses away, I know because I'd run that far and could still hear him

One christmas about ten of us got together and bought each other a little pressie, my boss at the time wanted to join in so we included him, Christmas Eve came and you could have cut the silence with a knife when we opened our presents to find he'd given us all a box of matches ! Never met such a mean man


I also must admit to laughing when my bully bosses lost the contract and I was tupeed over to a lovely boss who to this day I have a great laugh with when ever we text or see each other. Lovely lady.


Never upset a cleaner btw, when I left one job I tipped kitchen bin on the horrible chaps desk who had made my life misery with silly complaints. And I know one of my collegues cleaned desks one night as she was leaving with a dirty loo cloth. I did laugh but nervously about that one.

One lady bravely went up a ladder to do the chandeliers a job we all hated, got her hair caught in the chrysal drops and brought the entire thing down onto a marble floor, think only fools and horses for the looks on our faces.

Another job we had to put a ladder between two sets of stairs, crawl across and wipe the light fitting, I was half way across wiping the light when I heard a crack, my companion gave a little choking noise and I heard a bigger crack, I couldn't shuffle fast enough and ended hanging from the stair support, had to get fire brigade out to get me down. We did laugh but much later ! We were also banned from doing it again but that didn't stop my supervisor trying the same trick a month later she panicked half way and the firemen were less nice to her once they got her down.


Pub we used to clean I was pregnant, morning sickness kicked in and any whiff of booze or cigarettes had me heaving that became a comedy gold few weeks with me carrying a bucket just in case as I hoovered through and washed the tables down. Actually lots of early morning laughs were had there, like morning the other cleaner arrived all glammed up straight from a night out and fell asleep in the cleaning cupboard only to be found drooling and snoring later in the day head in a bucket.

Re: Memories from work.

Oh yes this must be the classic of all time.

I was a BT engineer working out of a yard in Chessinton surrey one morning.
What happened is that all the engineers went to the stores to get what they needed for the days work.
There must have been 20/30 of us doing that when in stormed a little Indian woman called Millie Banerjee (you can google her) who was I believe a level 4 manager which is very high up.

Well in she stormed and demanded to se a store guy, pushing her way to the front of the engineers.

it went something like this

"Storeman, you come here now" she demanded, she was a nasty piece of work

So Tom a store keeper ambled over and soon to retire

Tom " can I help you Mrs B" he said
Mrs B " whose tools are these" she demanded to know
Tom " Sorry but in truth I can't tell you, there are over 100 engineers working out of this site"

MrsB " Are you defying me? I want to know by 4pm or you can come to head office in Croydon and get your cards"

Tom still very laid back and smiling nicely " Could you tell me where you got the tools from?"

Mrs B " Yes I was walking down Epson high street and there was a tent on the pavement with a guard rail around it but nobody about. I saw these tools lying there so picked them up and took them home for safe keeping"

By this time all the engineers had stopped and trying their best not to burst out laughing.

Tom "Mrs B I think there is something you should know"


Mrs B "what I havn't got time to spend what should I know?"

Tom " well Mrs B we work for British telecom and those tool are GAS fitters tools"

You should have seen her dark skin go very dark and she quickly left with a load of engineers laughing their heads off ringing in her ears.

Needless to say faxes by cartoon artists we had soon got around including our regional head office

Oh yes because she was so ****** she now has an CBE but she keeps getting moved from job to job, I wonder why?

oh forgot to say SHE HAD A DEGREE IN ZOOLOLGY

Re: Memories from work.

Working in a shop we arrived one day to find the place over run with mice . My boss was terrified of them , we put down stuff to kill them off and each day there were dead mice lying around . I had to put on rubber gloves and pick them all up in a plastic bag and dump them in the street bin. It went on for months . I told my boss it wasn't in my contract of employment , she laughingly promised to write in any future references I was the best mouse catcher ever .

Re: Memories from work.

More than a few stories, like everyone I imagine. One at the Paris motorshow. I had been invited to lunch with Cummins Engine Company, but got hi-jacked at some point during the morning by MAN and completely forgot about the Cummins lunch. There I was in the MAN private room having lunch and suddenly I am being called over the tannoy system. Before I had time to give it much thought as to what all this was about, Dawson Smith, the Cummins PR man ran into the room, apologised to the MAN people and literally dragged me away, he'd been in and out of the hospitality suites looking for me. We got to the Cummins suite, went in and there were all these people, mostly men, glaring at me. They were all being very polite, with some difficulty I think, because lunch wasn't being served until all the guests were in place. The after lunch speeches were somewhat embarrassing to say the least, attempting to eat two lunches was not easy either, but I must have done something right because they still invited me to all their PR events.

Re: Memories from work.

Worked in an office beside a harbour. Next door to us was an Esso oil depot which had a number of very large (500,000 gal) storage tanks. Because we were beside the harbour they used to get small (5000 ton) coastal tankers to come and fill up these tanks. One afternoon the tanker arrived, they coupled up the hoses and started pumping. Unfortunately to keep the ship on an even keel they opened up all the tanks and also a valve into the harbour. The pump filled up the storage tank but continued to pump. On the top of the tank was a screw thread safety valve. The tank was now completely full, but pump continued to pump. Eventually the safety valve blew, shot up in the air some 200 ft closely followed by a fountain of oil. The oil filled up the 'bung wall' surrounding it and overflowed into the harbour, turning the harbour a lovely shade of 'pink'.

The Fire Brigade was summoned to hose everything down. They closed off the main road which ran close to the harbour (it remained closed for several weeks) due to the fear of potential fire.

Re: Memories from work.

Wow that's sounds spectacular Uj !