Long-distance relationships

Hi,

I'm a freelance journalist who writes content for Saga. I've asked the mods and they have kindly given me permission to post some questions on here so that I can get some real life experiences.

If anyone would be up for contributing to some quotes that I can use (it will only be first names that are used and I can use a fake one) that would be really helpful.

So... one of my articles is about the challenges of long-distance relationships. I wondered if anyone here has experience of this?

Perhaps you have started a relationship online - what are the main challenges you have overcome, or was it too difficult to sustain? Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

The article will be tips on how to make a long distance relationship work Thanks so much for reading,

Best wishes,
Julia

Re: Long-distance relationships

I had an online relationship with a guy who lived in the USA, we met on a forum and gradually we found we had a lot in common, people were noticing we were getting close and used to joke about wedding bells

I arranged my phone plan which enabled me to call him anytime for hours on end for a small extra charge.

We'd stay on the phone for more than 6 or 7 hours sometimes!

We finally decided to meet and I flew to Atlanta with huge butterflies in my tummy, obviously I'd seen photographs of him but when I reached the arrivals gate I couldn't see him so I walked up and down waiting for him to arrive.

I was a distance away when suddenly I saw this lovely tall guy with long legs slowly walk through the doors, I knew it was him and I was rooted to the spot!
I slowly followed him and when he reached the barrier to wait for me I crept up behind him and simply said hi.
He looked at me and smiled then held me close and we had our first kiss, mind blowing!

I stayed in a motel on that occasion, it was romantic and we didn't need to cook nor wash dishes
We had a lovely time together and when my vacation came to an end we both cried!

I visited him again on two more occasions and stayed at his home, he also came to the UK to see me.

We had talked through how it would be if I moved to America but found there were too many negatives for it to happen, one being the weather, it was too darn hot and I struggled with the climate, the winter was so cold and I'd never experienced such temperatures.
There were plenty of scary creatures around and also huge insects that just swooped down and attacked anyone in sight, they had a nasty sting and I found them frightening.

Eventually after much soul searching and discussing our future plans we both knew I couldn't up sticks and move there as my mum was elderly and I just couldn't leave her, our bond was too strong and he couldn't live here as he had a son and daughter and grandchildren so all the family would have been upset though that wasn't the only reason.

He lived in a big house miles from civilization, no street lights so when it went dark you couldn't see a thing through the window!
He took me to meet his best friend and I was shocked to see he was carrying a gun! it was too much of a different world for me..
We eventually found the longer we spent together and got to know one other better it couldn't work for us.

I couldn't imagine me driving over there, I'd have had to pass another test which would have been difficult, so many things were against us.
Sadly we knew it had to come to an end, it had been a very romantic time for us but that wasn't enough to face the challenges ahead.

We no longer speak, there wouldn't be much point but I wouldn't have changed anything, I often wonder how he is, he stopped posting on the forum so that was the end..

Re: Long-distance relationships

Sounds like you had a wonderful adventure Honey

Re: Long-distance relationships

I sure did Azz!

Re: Long-distance relationships

That confirms my theory......you do not know somebody until you really know them.
Glad you were able to make the decision before it was too late and you may have been sorry.

Re: Long-distance relationships

Twenty years ago I had a long distance relationship with a man in Sweden who I met while Eurailing round Europe from Australia. I went back half a dozen times and stayed a couple of months at a time and it all seemed to be going well but the language became a problem - even though he spoke quite good basic English, it was limited and didn't run to subtleties or colloquialisms and we seemed only to be able to communicate about day to day things. It ran its course with him breaking it off and me at the time being devastated but I realised in hindsight that it probably wouldn't have worked.

Re: Long-distance relationships

My own long distance relationship is rather different because it was with my OH..
He had to work away for 5 years and in that time I only saw him once every 4 -6 weeks for a short weekend . He would arrive in the early hours of Saturday morning and leave again on Sunday afternoon.

We had already been married for 20 years by this time yet I think those 5 years helped us to remember the romance of the early days.

When I knew he was coming home I would make sure all the housework and shopping was done. The weekend was ours, no mundane stuff, no moaning about bills or kids just lovely us time.. Lazing around in bed or going out to town for lunch..
Id cook his favorite meals and we would snuggle up on the sofa together.

He would bring me little gifts chocolates or earrings and it would be like dating all over again.

Sometimes a bit of distance helps you appreciate what you have.

Re: Long-distance relationships

Thank you everyone for your replies so far, much appreciated,
Julia

Re: Long-distance relationships

It is a lot easier to form long distance relationships than it has been in the past. By the 'past' I mean before the internet. At least these days you can really suss them out to see whether or not you are indeed suitable for each other in more ways than one. You now have emails - chat - video chat and, for the more suspicious, probably means of finding out about whoever you are in contact with (background info).

I've had a long distance relationship and the problem was that it was a long distance relationship. One (or both) has to up sticks which is a big ask. I think people 'play' with the idea they can move to a different place to live but the reality can be too much to take. Still, to get around this visit for a period of time instead of moving outright in one go. Spend longer and longer with your 'friend' either at their place or the other way around and only commit if, and when, you are absolutely sure. NEVER commit straight away as it could cost you dear both emotionally and financially.

Re: Long-distance relationships

I have thoroughly enjoyed these postings. To me they were like short stories. I hope others share their experiences.