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Guardian Angel Job, Room 999/911, The Lodge, St Peter’s Gate, Heaven.
FAO
Archangel Michael
1a Celestial Throne Boulevard
Heaven
Dear Mike,
As my line manager, I respectfully request leave of absence for the next three Millennia, as I am too stressed to continue my present assignment.
I don’t think you can fault the way I have looked after that nutty Brit for the last fifty-two traumatic years. I coped well with all the usual ups and downs one expects when responsible for a human, although I have to admit that those three months of initial infant screaming have permanently damaged my hearing. You will see the docket for the hearing aid in my file. What has really stressed me out is all the extra tasks I was expected to fulfil is order to save my client’s neck.
I still shudder when I think of the carthorse incident, working with Guardian Angel Jeremiah, who rescued my client’s rescuer. We pulled off an amazing feat, see ref 2/1952.1. I had scarcely recovered from that trauma when my client fell into the pond (ref 2/1952.2.) The boat incident (ref 10/1960) is etched on my memory. I also wish to bring to your attention the confrontation with youths molesting the old lady (ref 37/1987), Offa’s Dyke (ref 44/1994), the road rage episode (ref 49/1999). The last straw was the encounter with the bullocks. (ref 52/2002).
As you can see I have been under great and sustained pressure; I can no longer cope. My physician Mark has prescribed Prozac, which is helping to get me through the flashbacks. I was reading in last months Wings and Harps that Guardian Angel Daniel put in a claim for compensation after suffering from stress above and beyond the call of duty. I am considering doing the same.
I wish my successor the best of luck, as I feel he will need it!
It is my Guardian Angel who is the poor so and so in question. The incidents listed are only a very few of the potentially life threatening ones that have occurred during my life so far!