God and shit

apologies if anyone's read it before but I just post them I don't make them up (wish I could)



An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.

Re: God and shit

I guess the old saying "IF it's worth saying, it's worth repeating" applies here

Re: God and shit

This one is a cracker.

GET YOUR OWN DIRT
The scientist approached God and said, "Listen, we've decided we no longer need you. Nowadays, we can extract stem cells, clone people, transplant hearts, and all kinds of things that were once considered miraculous."
God patiently heard him out, and then said, "All right. To see whether or not you still need me, why don't we have a little man-making contest!"
"Okay, great!" the scientist said.
"Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam," God said.
"That's fine," replied the scientist and he bent down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
"Whoa!" God said, shaking his head in disapproval. "Not so fast, pal. You get your own dirt."

Re: God and shit

One more, I'm on a roll

Bring riches with you
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

Re: God and shit

It'll do you no good up there now will it .... 'Gold - is in the eye of the beholder' .......

Re: God and shit

Good ones Bobbyboy stay on the roll.

Re: God and shit

apologies to Bobbyboy he's not going barmy it was me somehow posted it twice and so as not to look a twit removed one but that makes Bobbyboy look one but my fault not his,

Re: God and shit

An astute observation, but it was only a joke, it wasnt true.

Re: God and shit

That was a bit abrupt SOrry PatsCG

Re: God and shit

Hello Robert .......